make me smile. (:

2008-12-01T04:28:00.002+08:00

the weekend after the exams

was certainly refreshing.

straight after my stoopid marketing exam

on thursday which ended at 10am,

i headed to france on the 1pm train.

away away from lausanne!

first stop: nantes

where i reached at 8pm

and was greeted by my favourite

pao & brigitte,

and definitely not forgetting

brigitte's mini cooper!

yes, my first ride in a mini

and booooyyyy, i'm gonna save up

for one of those darlings.

thursday night and friday in nantes...

walking, chatting, eating, drinking,

crepes, and hanging out with thomas

made my weekend, really, it did.

their family keeps me happy,

'cos they're MY family too!

yippee!

((:

next stop: la baule

where pao drove me to visit the other half

of the family on saturday morning.

having lunch at les croisettes

with pao, herve, diane, mamy, jean & michel

was great.

and jacqueline's birthday dinner

was nice.

all in all, this weekend revived me,

though i lacked alot of sleep,

especially with the night out with thomas,

but it was fun fun fun!

and i don't regret a single bit of it.

i have an amazing family.

and i thank god that they ain't so far away.

now i'm planning a trip back

to visit the family when my aunt

will be visiting in march next year.

it will be so much fun.

i can't wait.

this family keeps me going in lausanne.

because i feel so empty here.

i really really do...

and knowing that i have family

seven hours away just cheers me up.

thank you god for the splendid weekend.

well, in the meantime,

school's module 2 starts tomorrow.

it's not even funny.

i hate school.

thinking of home keeps me alive though.

18 more days to sheer happiness.

family, friends, love.

thank you to those who keep me going.

you all keep me strong,

and you all know that.

((:

with all my heart,

thank you.

2008-11-22T20:37:00.002+08:00

didn't wanna want you

didn't wanna need you so bad

didn't wanna wake up

and find that i was falling so fast

didn't wanna need you

didn't wanna need anyone

now look what you've done

now i can't go on without you

i'm naked, i cant fake it

i'm not that strong without you

never thought i could love you

the way i do

your touch, your skin

can't believe the way you let me in

don't rush tonight

i need you like the ocean needs the tide.
i always thought i would stand on my own

climb a mountain top all alone

relying, depending on no one

now look at what you've done
i love you

i need you

i want you

the way i do.

maybe it's just a dead-end.

2008-11-20T05:12:00.002+08:00

oh for the love of god,

exams start next monday.

my goal: no august,

which means that i don't want

to come back to school in

august 2009 to retake the exams.

what i'm doing about it: nothing.

fantastic, i know.

stoopid studies aside

(everyone knows i HATE studying),

michelle is right.

hearts should be left wild.

after all, it's love

that makes the world go round.

oh someone shoot my heart.

it's amazing how things can change

in the wink of an eye,

'cos there's nothing anymore.

and i mean, nothing.

it's as if the world just robbed

my heart, washed it clean,

and returned it fresh.

i like that feeling, somehow.

i feel unburdened now.

and boy does it feel good!

now i have my heart reserved

for the people who truly matter,

those who mean everything to me,

and those whom i am nothing without.

- my family, for sure

- my goodstuffs, ah my favourite girls

- my boys, who keep me happily insane

- christabel, my beloved soulmate

these people keep me grounded and strong

despite being a thousand miles

away from home.

but home ain't so far loves.

it's only 30 more days...

for everything that i want and need,

home is waiting.

my home sweet home:

you could take a little trip

around singapore town
in the singapore city bus
to see collyer quay and raffles place
the esplanade and all of us
because in singapore
their hearts are big and wide you'll find
because in singapore
you'll find happiness for everyone
let's go down to the riverside

it's an unforgettable sight
to see the sunrise on a faraway isle

turning darkness into light
the buildings are climbing

all the way to the sky
and there's a hundred other people

who are striving
for people like you and i.

oooh i soooo cannot wait.

home is where the heart yearns.

i, of all people, should know that.

((:

2008-11-04T04:13:00.002+08:00

it's one of those days again today

when i just wish i was back home,

permanently.

chatting with lisa after the longest time ever

recharged me,

and made me feel loved,

made me feel that home isn't all so far away.

the girls, the boys, all my loves...

chatting with a little bit of everyone recently

makes me feel whole again.

i hate this place,

i really really do.

i just want to run away,

run back home.

damn it,

can 46 days be any looooongerrr???

i canNOT wait to go home,

to be with my girls

and my boys,

and feel at home.

'cos here i just feel so empty

and the worst part is,

i have no where to run to.

i need you people,

all my loves,

please keep me grounded and strong.

i need to make it through the rain.

but i can't do it on my own.

i love you all,

and you're always always always in my heart.

never ever forget that, please.

i'm not jealous, no i'm not

i just want everything she's got

you look at her so amazed

i remember way back when

you used to look at me that way

tell me what makes her so much better than me

what makes her just everything that i can never be

what makes her your every dream and fantasy

because i can remember when it was me

that made you smile

that made you laugh

that made you happier than you have ever been

that was your world

your perfect girl

nothing about me has changed

that's why i'm here wondering

it's just another one of those stoopid days...

on a happier note,

HAPPY BLESSED TWENTIETH

my dearest beloved gi.

our crazy memories still make me laugh,

even though i'm half way around the world from you.

i love you dear.

2008-08-25T00:17:00.002+08:00

the past one and a

half months have been

well, ... , an adventure

i would say.

dubai was absolutely amazing...

a life-changing experience

i will never ever ever forget.

home, though, was unexpected...

so much has happened

with family and friends

and now i know that

there are a few people

in my life whom i will be

eternally grateful for.

those whom i know that

our friendship's gonna last.

and those whom i know that

it might not...

otherwise, this vacation home

was a really unexpected one.

i spent every single day of my vacation

with my dearest sister lisa cheng,

whose family has become

a second family to me already!

for all the late night bitching sessions,

the bolster-snatching,

the food escapades,

the camps,

the hthts,

the love.

she's the first person i see

when i wake up,

and the last one

when i go to sleep.

talk about love.

HAHAHAHA!

but i know that our memories

will last a lifetime.

thanks for everything sweetheart.

you're a dear.

and you know that i love you so.

((:

well, thank you to everyone who made

home a blast for me,

and a super bigger than big hug

for my favourite girls

who keep me grounded.

you all know i love you.

now it's back to switzerland.

time to evaporate from

the face of the earth,

again.

love you all.

2008-01-07T01:00:00.000+08:00

he looks at me

i fake a smile so he won't see

what i want and i need and

everything that we should be

i'll bet she's beautiful

that girl he talks about

and she's got everything

that i have to live without

he talks to me

i laugh 'cos it's so funny

that i can't even see

anyone when he's with me

he says he's so in love

he's finally got it right

i wonder if he knows

he's all i think about at night

he's the reason

for the teardrops on my guitar

the only thing that keeps me

wishing on a wishing star

he's the song in the car

i keep singing

don't know why i do

he walks by me

can he tell that i can't breathe?

and there he goes, so perfectly

the kind of flawless

i wish i could be

she better hold him tight

and give him all her love

look in those beautiful eyes

and know she's lucky 'cos

he's the reason

for the teardrops on my guitar

the only thing that keeps me

wishing on a wishing star

he's the song in the car

i keep singing

don't know why i do

so i'll drive home alone

as i turn out the light

i'll put his picture down

and maybe get some sleep tonight

he's the reason

for the teardrops on my guitar

the only one who's got enough of me

to break my heart

he's the song in the car

i keep singing

don't know why i do

he's the time, taken up

but there's never enough

and he's all that i need to fall into

he looks at me

i fake a smile so he won't see...

i miss you.

and i love you,

too much for my own good.

2008-01-05T12:28:00.000+08:00

am going to dubai
to do my internship at
the grand hyatt dubai.

pray for me and keep me strong.
i'll miss home, again.

2008-01-01T16:47:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't love you
but i want to
i just can't turn away
i shouldn't see you
but i can't move
i can't look away
and i don't know how to be fine when i'm not
'cos i don't know how to make the feelings stop
just so you know
this feeling's taking control
of me and i can't help it
i won't sit around
i can't let her win now
thought you should know
i've tried my best to let go
of you but i don't want to
i just got to say it all before i go
just so you know
it's getting hard to
be around you
there's so much i can't say
do you want me to hide the feelings
and look the other way
this emptiness is killing me
i'm wondering why i've waited so long
looking back i realize
it was always there
just never spoken
i'm waiting here
been waiting here.

being home this time
has been amazing.
only this time,
i have to leave again.
and i'm leaving real soon,
and the feeling's not quite so fantastic.
what's all the fun going to become?
what's all the love going to do?
what's all the laughs going to turn into?
what's all the memories made going to be?
i'll miss everyone.

and this time,
i realised that it's for good.
i'm going to be stuck
in the same position
i am right now,
as i've been in
for the past three years.
some things don't change.
problem is,
some things never will.
just so you know.

happy new year 2008.
may this year be a blessed one
for you and your family.
joy, happiness, smiles and laughter.

2007-12-18T04:13:00.000+08:00

i'm staring out into the night

trying to hide the pain

i'm going to the place

where love and feeling good

don't ever cost a thing

and the pain you feel's

a different kind of pain

well i'm going home

back to the place where i belong

and where your love

has always been enough for me

i'm not running from

no, i think you got me all wrong

i don't regret this life i chose for me

but these places and these faces

are getting old

so i'm going home

the miles are getting longer, it seems

the closer i get to you

i've not always been the best man

or friend for you

but your love remains true

and i don't know why

you always seem to give me another try

so i'm going home

be careful what you wish for

'cos you just might get it all

and then some you don't want...

but i'm home now

and boy does it feel good.

and then you see what six months

being on the opposite side of the world

does to you.

i'm happy i'm home,

with my family and best friends

making it all worth while.

i'm back homeee!!!

((:

2007-12-02T07:14:00.000+08:00

the past few days have been

terribly sad attempts to mug.

for me, at least.

i try to study with mel,

'cos she's the disciplined one,

but i always just end up

eating all her chocs.

HAHAHA!

exams will come and go.

whether i have to retake them,

we'll see.

but i'll study harder next week,

i promised.

okay, so i haven't been studying

that much the past few days.

watched she's the man and

omg channing tatum is piping hot stuff.

but moving on...

and i just came back to my room

from jessica's, where we had an

"exciting night of cards, beer and chips,

dress code: casual".

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

so mel, minh, jess and myself

learnt card games

from chinese to vietnamese,

from ban luck, daidi, 24, 9, heartattack,

the pen game, vietnamese daidi, the joker game,

and many many more.

it was HILARIOUS.

and towards the end,

i found out that with

sheer fatigue and fun,

you get extremely crazy people.

i laughed so hard today,

the hardest since i've been here,

and i enjoyed it.

i'm glad i shared this moment

with my favourite asian people!

hahahaha.

more beer, popcorn and cards

saved for monday night

when the exams are overrr!

i canNOT wait to laugh so hard again

with these loves of mine.

they keep me so happy here.

tomorrow and the whole of next week,

working in gastronomic (fine dining) service, again,

and the pathetic attempts to study.

oh and omggg!

it's DECEMBER already!

i'm coming home THIS month!

in less than two weeks!

13 days!

i can't wait for smiles laughs songs dances

tears jokes goodstuffs and memories

all over again.

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnn!

i miss all of you.

just so you know.

((:

2007-11-24T07:16:00.000+08:00

let it go

let it roll right off your shoulder

don't you know the hardest part is over

let it in

let your clarity define you

in the end

you will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made in these small hours

these little wonders

these twists and turns of fate

time falls away

but these small hours still remain

let it slide

let your troubles fall behind you

let it shine

till you feel it all around you

and i don't mind

if it's me you need to turn to

we'll get by

all of my regret

will wash away somehow

but i cannot forget

the way i feel right now.

clarity, peace, serenity...

yes, you can hold my hand if you want to,

'cos i want to hold yours too.

it's times like this i need you

right here beside me

to keep me going on this race,

like you've always been doing.

but i guess things are different now -

i'm so far away from you,

maybe it'll never be the same again.

i don't want to think about it anymore,

but i can't let you go.

not now, not ever.

'cos i can't forget the way i felt that night.

21 days to home sweet home.

it's the only thing that's keeping me alive.

to smile and laugh and dance and sing

with the loves who have brought me here today.

i'm holding on for you.

hearts&hugs.

2007-11-13T04:13:00.000+08:00

it was almost christmas time

there i stood in another line

trying to buy that last gift or two

not really in the christmas mood

standing right in front of me

was a little boy waiting anxiously

pacing around like little boys do

and in his hand he held a pair of shoes

and his clothes were worn and old

he was dirty from head to toe

and when it came his time to pay

i couldn't believe what i heard him say

sir i wanna buy these shoes

for my momma please

it's christmas eve and

these shoes are just her size

could you hurry sir?

daddy says there's not much time

you see she's been sick for quite a while

and i know these shoes will make her smile

and i want her to look beautiful

if momma meets jesus tonight

they counted pennies for what seemed like years

and the cashier said son there's not enough here

he searched his pockets frantically

and he turned and he looked at me

and he said momma made

christmas good at our house

most years she just did without

tell me sir what am i gonna do?

somehow i gotta buy her these christmas shoes

so i laid the money down

i just had to help him out

and i'll never forget the look on his face

when he said momma's gonna look so great

i knew i caught a glimpse of heaven's love

as he thanked me and ran out

i know that god has sent that little boy to remind me

what christmas is all about.

today is her special day.

a special day that deserves a celebration.

'cos especially today, i thank god for blessing me

with such an angel in my life,

even though it was once upon a time,

that angel left footprints in my heart

and today, that angel is looking down on me

and taking care of me in this crazy world.

i've come so far today, partly because of her.

i will never ever forget you.

and i'll always remember that

you looked so beautiful

when you met jesus that night.

maman, i love you.

happy birthday. (:

2007-10-24T03:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes you wonder

if this fight is worthwhile

the precious moments

are all lost in the tide

they're swept away

and nothing is what is seems

the feeling of belonging to your dreams

and there are voices

that want to be heard

so much to mention

but you can't find the words

the scent of magic,

the beauty that's been

when love was wilder than the wind.

that's what it feels like

when i'm realising my dream.

i've come this far

and i'm going to take a step further next year.

i'm going to GRAND HYATT DUBAI!

it's going to be tough, tiring, hectic and all,

but this fight is worthwhile.

it's a dream,

but more impactfully, it's MY dream.

and i'm going all out to experience

and absorb hospitality at its peak.

thank you god for this.

thank you for being with me every step of the way.

just when i thought that all hope was lost,

god made a way.

and now you're smiling,

don't ever let the feeling go.

((:

2007-10-22T01:40:00.000+08:00

there are some days, like today,

that things go haywire.

there's just so so so much

in my head right now

i can't even sit down and think things through

without breaking down.

i'm seventeen hours away from home

and most of the time,

it feels like i left everything back in singapore.

it's not easy to be so far away from home,

especially for me,

when everything back home

meant everything to me once upon a time.

to give all that up,

even for a dream,

is so painful.

it may look all flowery

with the beautiful vacation pictures

but i would be way happier

if i had my true friends or family with me.

i don't know anyone here well enough

to trust them with my whole life.

though back home it may be the same,

but i know that there are a few people,

out of the many others,

whom i can trust with my life.

which is exactly what i need right now -

people who can keep me strong,

people who can take care of my heart,

people who'll be there through it all.

here, now, i feel so alone i cry myself to sleep.

there's so much to give up for this dream

that i might not even realise.

i'm this close to giving up

everything i saw myself for,

and giving up on myself.

i’m trying to keep it together but i’m falling apart.

i'm stronger than this.

i got to pull myself together.

this is just a meltdown.

i had to go through it.

i'll be stronger, i promise.

thank you christabel for being there

through the smiles and the tears.

you make me feel safe.

although we're so far apart,

i feel your hugs.

i'm so blessed.

chee, iloveyou.

and for everything that's too big for me,

i'm going to leave it to god.

because he'll make a way,

even when there seems to be no way.

god will make a way

where there seems to be no way

he works in ways we cannot see

he will make a way for me

he will be my guide

hold me closely to his side

with love and strength for each new day

he will make a way.

amen.

2007-10-01T04:08:00.000+08:00

today was a good day,

undeniably one of the best so far. (:

i went to church, finally,

after two months of hunting

for an english-speaking congregation!

and god's word is powerful i tell you!

church was something i really really needed,

especially the past few days,

and god really does keep me grounded.

church was goodstuff. :))

then on the way home from church,

CHLOE called me!

that's love i tell you.

i talked to my dearest princess and

i wanted so so badly to be right beside her,

and give her the biggest hug

and tell her how much i've missed her

and of course, how much i love her.

i miss her, so much.

and i talked to chris, dad's friend,

the operations manager of coastes, sentosa,

and gosh, i miss my family sundays.

and he said he's gonna make beehoon for me

when i come home and when i go to coastes!

happy please!

and then i talked to dad.

i must admit i miss my dad, alot.

talking to him now makes me feel so grown up,

so independent, so far away from home.

and it was actually a nice talk.

but best of all,

he told me he managed to get a flight home

for me on the 15th of december!

so i'll be breathing singapore's hot air

on the 16th of december at 7.05am.

I LOVE MY DADDY!

dad's the best!

cooking lunch, maggi mee with egg and rostis,

at anny's was loads of fun.

plus watching cinderella was really sweet.

and i managed to get onto msn for a few seconds

and talking to zong, since the longest time ever,

was such a nice feeling.

he's such a sweet guy.

gosh, i miss him man.

and we promised to catch up when i get home!

whoots!

plus talking to chee made me smile.

she knows how happy she makes me. (:

so i'm REAL excited for home.

76 days to HOME sweet home.

and i've planned my sunday already.

FAMILY day!

i'll have LOADS of fun with my little chloe,

and starting monday, it's friends galore.

so book me! HAHAHA!

chee booked me on the 17th already.

i can so NOT wait pleaseee!

i miss home and everyone back home so badly.

but happy happy happy.

i enjoyed myself thoroughly today.

though it wasn't some adventure that i went on,

it was a fantastic day.

and i'm a very very very happy girl today.

76 days.

all of you keep me grounded.

thank you god for love.

2007-09-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

how many times have i turned away

the number is the same

as the sand on the shore

but everytime You've taken me back

and now i pray You do it once more

please take from me my life

when i don't have the strength

to give it away to You Jesus

how many times have i turned away

the number is the same

as the stars in the sky

but everytime You've taken me back

and now i pray You do it tonight.

and there'll be times

when the only one you can lean on

is that big guy up in the sky.

and usually, he makes the big effort

to come down right beside you

to hug you when you're on your knees

and crying your heart out

and lifts the weight of the world

off your shoulders,

and then you smile, amidst all those tears,

because you know that although

you feel so alone, you're far from it -

that big guy's right beside you,

every single step of the way.

so pray, he's listening to your every word.

i'm sure, 'cos he listens to mine.

and i'm surrendering my life to him.

so take from me my life Jesus,

it belongs to you.

i belong to you.

keep me strong god, please.

2007-09-24T05:10:00.000+08:00

sometimes a time comes along
when it's time to move on
you'll still be there in everything that i do
and wherever i go
i'll remember you
leaving's not leaving
'cos i'm not leaving you behind
you'll always be with me
part of my heart for all time
where i'm going, you're going
even if it's just in my mind
leaving's not leaving
i'm not leaving you behind
moments shared there with you
they're the best times that i ever knew
they'll still be there
when goodbyes are all though
i'll remember those days
i'll remember you
i'll hold on the memories
'cos in my heart you'll be here with me
there's no reason to cry
goodbye isn't really goodbye.

this is for everyone who keeps me grounded

back home in sweet sweet singapore.

me leaving is not really leaving

'cos i still carry a little bit of

every one of you wherever i go

even though i'm half way around the world.

you have all touched my heart

and changed my life and

most importantly, goodbye isn't really goodbye.

and this is also for michelle lim,

my dearest friend.

though you've left and we're miles apart,

i'm still always here for you.

technology is advanced,

as you've figured out last night (haha)!

so whenever you feel alone

or even if you feel like

you're that far away from home,

don't, and smile,

'cos you're not in this alone.

we'll hold each other and we'll stay strong.

soon enough, it'll all be over.

hang in there dear.

and to the person who holds my heart,

goodbye isn't really goodbye,

because one day,

just one day soon enough, i hope,

you'll realise what you've always failed to see.

and in the mean time, i'm still here.

you may not need me

but i'm going to stay right here

until you come home.

'cos our memories keep me so grounded,

somehow...

oh and skyping with michelle

and bolzie and lisa

really makes me soooo happy.

all of you my dear friends

who still bother to read this

should get skypeee!

oh the wonders of technology!

and "no reservations" was so touching.

it reminded me so much of when i was nine.

when someone who meant so much to me

was robbed from my heart.

but today i'm strong,

and today i'm strong,

because of her.

and i'm going to stay that way, strong.

keep me strong my loves back home.

i talked to dad and i'm coming home!

on the 16th of december: home sweet home!

it's the only thing that's keeping me alive here.

home, i can so NOT wait.

imissyou, ALL.

2007-09-23T03:40:00.000+08:00

when i see your smile

tears roll down my face

i can't replace

and now that i'm strong

i have figured out how this world turns cold

and it breaks through my soul

and i know i'll find deep inside me

i can be the one

i will never let you fall

i'll stand up for you forever

i'll be there for you through it all

even if saving you sends me to heaven

seasons are changing and

waves are crashing and

stars are falling all for us

days grow longer and nights grow shorter

'cos you're my true love

my whole heart

please don't throw that away

'cos i'm here for you

please don't walk away and

please tell me you'll stay

use me as you will

pull my strings just for a thrill

and i know i'll be okay

though my skies are turning gray.

i don't know how i can be so far away

and feel so much for you.

it's robbing me of my life, almost.

i'm stronger here,

but not strong enough.

not yet?

but maybe it's because

you're my true love, my whole heart

and i don't know what i'm holding onto

but somehow it keeps me grounded.

take me home to where you are.

take me home to your heart.

2007-09-22T04:28:00.000+08:00

now i don't wanna lose you

but i don't wanna use you

just to have somebody by my side

and i don't wanna hate you

i don't wanna take you

but i don't wanna be the one to cry

that don't really matter to anyone, anymore

but like a fool i keep losing my place

and i keep seeing you walk through that door

but there's a danger in loving somebody too much

and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

there's a reason why people don't stay where they are

sometimes love just ain't enough

now i could never change you

and i don't wanna blame you

you don't have to take the fault

yes, i may have hurt you

but i did not desert you

maybe i just wanna have it all

it makes a sound like thunder

it makes me feel like rain

and like a fool who will never see the truth

i keep thinking something's gonna change

and there's no way home

when it's late at night and you're all alone

are there things that you wanted to say

do you feel me beside you in your bed

there beside you where i used to lay?

tell me all the dreams that you have left

slip right through your hands

do you feel lost inside of someone else's life

and we're not gonna live forever

can you tell me is it now or never

i'm not gonna make up your mind

i don't wanna live without you

and i don't wanna live a lie

we'll never know till we try

failure is the only way to learn till you've come undone

the rest will never find out what they might have been.

school's been crazy.

i haven't even had time to breathe

and i keep falling asleep in classes.

but i counted, and it's 86 days to home, hopefully.

i miss home so so much.

and of course, imissyou.

keep me grounded.

with love.

2007-09-08T03:09:00.000+08:00

the smell of your skin lingers on me now

you're probably on your flight

back to your hometown

i need some shelter of my own protection

to be with myself and center

clarity, peace, serenity

i hope you know

that this has nothing to do with you

it's personal, myself and i

we've got some straightening out to do
and i'm gonna miss you

like a child misses their blanket

but i've got to get a move on with my life

it's time to be a big girl now

and big girls don't cry

the path that i'm walking

i must go alone

i must take the baby steps until i'm full grown

fairytales don't always have a happy ending,

do they?

and i foresee the dark ahead if i stay

like the little school mate in the school yard

we'll play jacks and uno cards

i'll be your best friend and you'll be my valentine

yes you can hold my hand if you want to

'cos i want to hold yours too

we'll be playmates and lovers

and share our secret worlds

but it's time for me to go home

it's getting late, dark outside

i need to be with myself and center

clarity, peace, serenity.

i'm so far from home,

so far from you,

and i'm gonna grow stronger here.

i need to be with myself to sort things out

and then i've got to move on with my life.

there's only so much we can share now

and maybe it's for the best.

but even if it's not, i'm a big girl now,

and big girls don't cry.

i'm stronger like this;

i belong to me

and i don't need anyone to complete me.

keep me strong god, please...

2007-09-05T03:32:00.000+08:00

would you know my name
if i saw you in heaven?
would it be the same
if i saw you in heaven?
i must be strong and carry on
'cos i know i don't belong here in heaven
would you hold my hand
if i saw you in heaven?
would you help me stand
if i saw you in heaven?
i'll find my way through night and day
'cos i know i just can't stay here in heaven
time can bring you down

time can bend your knees
time can break your heart

have you begging please
beyond the door there's peace i'm sure
and i know there'll be no more tears in heaven.

no more tears.

life is so scary sometimes

you just don't know what to expect.

school getting me all stressed up

i'm actually freaking out.

cv, cover letter, food knowledge project,

business math, menu costing, housekeeping,

food control, internships and all.

gosh. doesn't help

that i'm so exhausted everyday.

and and and i'm working from

6.30am to midnight tomorrow night

with no break in between.

food control in the wee hours of the morning,

housekeeping and menu costing in the afternoon

and banquet kitchen till midnight.

i need a little bit of life, and a little bit of love

just to keep me alive here.

i miss you...

...but no more tears.

2007-09-04T02:58:00.000+08:00

of all the things
i've believed in
i just want to
get it over with
tears form behind my eyes
but i do not cry
counting the days
that pass me by
i've been searching
deep down in my soul
words that i'm hearing
are starting to get old
it feels like
i'm starting all over again
the last three years
were just pretend
and i said
"goodbye to you
goodbye to everything
i thought i knew
you were the one i loved
the one thing that
i tried to hold on to"

i still get lost in your eyes
and it seems that
i can't live a day without you
closing my eyes and
you chase my thoughts away
to a place where
i am blinded by the light
but it's not right

and it hurts to want everything
and nothing at the same time
i want what's yours
and I want what's mine
i want you
but i'm not giving in this time
and when the stars fall
i will lie awake
you're my shooting star.

goodbye to everything i thought i knew.

'cos from today, it's a new start.

and i'm learning to let go.

i'm not saying it doesn't hurt,

but it's a price i have to pay

and i know i'm going to be

much stronger like this.

today though, you made me feel again.

my heart felt something for the first time

in a very very very long time.

it released itself from its numb state,

though i still cannot feel well

and i have feelings to sort out,

i'm pretty sure i'm all set to let go now.

the best is yet to be.

what doesn't break you

only makes you stronger.

and i'm stronger like this.

thanks.

2007-09-02T01:55:00.000+08:00

i will always remember

our first days together

it felt like we had

known each other forever

we were dreamers

and we were believers

to give up everything

to follow this dream

but one thing that we have learnt

is to stand together as one

and nothing will overcome

and nothing's gonna stop us now

moving on our way

we're moving on in the one direction

we're growing stronger

with each passing day

we're moving on and

we'll always remember

all of our friends all along the way

moving on our way

now there's been hard times

as the road unwinds

we've grown closer

it's been worth all the sacrifice

times are changing

and i hear what you say

can't look at the world

through innocent eyes

we promise we will

never forget the message

keep the faith as long as

you're here by our side

we'll make this music last for all time.

yes, now i'm moving on.

into my new life seventeen hours away

from the people who moulded me

into the person i am today.

but i'll always remember you back home,

all my friends along the way,

when we crossed along this journey

we all know too well as life.

but i'm stronger like this.

be happy for me my loves.

all of you are still missed many many.

on a lighter note,

happy blessed nineteenth melissa!

heartsss. <3

2007-09-01T06:12:00.000+08:00

when i find myself in times of trouble

mother mary comes to me

speaking words of wisdom, let it be

and in my hour of darkness

she is standing right in front of me

speaking words of wisdom, let it be

let it be, let it be

whisper words of wisdom, let it be

and when the broken hearted people

living in the world agree

there will be an answer, let it be

for though they may be parted there is

still a chance that they will see

there will be an answer, let it be

let it be, let it be

there will be an answer, let it be

and when the night is cloudy

there is still a light that shines on me

shine on until tomorrow, let it be

i wake up to the sound of music

mother mary comes to me

speaking words of wisdom, let it be

let it be, let it be

there will be an answer, let it be

let it be, let it be

whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

today was probably the best day

i've had since i got into ehl.

today changed my heart.

today touched me.

thank you god for the little things that matter.

happy birthday tariq.

hearts to john for saving my day with his music.

thank you for friends that keep me alive.

i know i'm stronger like this.

i told you so.

today saved my week,

and probably saved my life.

working during the weekend

doesn't seem like such a chore anymore.

yes, let it be, 'cos the best is yet to be.

((:

2007-08-30T05:09:00.000+08:00

i just wanna go homeee.

give me the strength i need.

that's not asking for too much is it?

what in the world are you doing to us?

2007-08-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

i have walked all alone

on these streets, i call home

streets of hope, streets of fear

through the sidewalk cracks

time dissapears

i was lost, on my knees

on the eve of defeat

as i choked back the tears

there's a silent scream no one could hear

so far away from everything

you know it's true

something inside that makes you know

what you've got to do

ring the bells, ring them loud

let them ring here and now

just reach out and ring the bells of freedom

when your world's crashing down

like you've lost every round

stand your ground

and ring the bells of freedom

up the steps of the church

through the fields in the dirt

in the dark i have seen

that the sun still shines for the one who believed

so far away, so full of doubt, you needed proof

just close your eyes

and hear the sound inside of you.

everything i feel

when i'm so far away from everything

that keep me grounded.

thank you all for the emails and love.

i cannot run this race alone.

stick by me.

i love you all.

2007-08-21T05:24:00.000+08:00

back when i was a child

before life removed all the innocence

my father would lift me high

and dance with my mother and me and then

spin me around till i fell asleep

then up the stairs he would carry me

and i knew for sure i was loved

if i could get another chance

another walk, another dance with him

i'd play a song that would never, ever end

how i'd love, love, love

to dance with my father again

when i and my mother would disagree

to get my way, i would run from her to him

he'd make me laugh just to comfort me

then finally make me do just what my mama said

later that night when i was asleep

he left a dollar under my sheet

never dreamed that he would be gone from me

if i could steal one final glance

one final step, one final dance with him

id play a song that would never, ever end

'cos i'd love, love, love

to dance with my father again

sometimes i'd listen outside her door

and i'd hear how my mother cried for him

i pray for her even more than me

i know i'm praying for much too much

but could you send back

the only man she loved

i know you don't do it usually

but dear lord she's dying

to dance with my father again

every night i fall asleep

and this is all i ever dream.

today is her day.

ten years.

and the memories remain.

and today, i know for sure that

she's smiling down on me,

and she's proud of me,

'cos i'm finally living the dream.

i'm glad i went one last time

before i left singapore.

i miss you maman.

2007-07-20T06:25:00.000+08:00

from one world to another

there's so much to discover

feel so small inside

but courage has no size

my heart knows where to go

and i will follow

it's the little things that make a difference

it's the quest for love that brings us life

it's a dream of what could be

that makes it all worthwhile

like you being by my side

a love that only grows with time

sometimes i lose my way

unsure, i grow afraid

there's no wrong i can't make right

with you standing by

it takes a friend like you

to remind me of what i knew

i'll be strong, i'll be brave

from your world and back again

we will go until the end.

welcome to wherever you are.

i'm gonna start this race soon.

and i want you to know

that each and every single one of you

played a part in bringing me this far in life.

it's the little things that make a difference.

all of you have been love.

I LOVE YOU MY ANGELS.

do me a favour and remember that.

2007-07-16T05:16:00.000+08:00

a big THANK YOU to all the angels

who took time off to send me off.

bolzie, lisa, michelle, safiah, shu'en,

di, azlyn, andi, suqina, minivan, liting,

chris, peng, rach, meirong, yvonne,

gi, haziq, ps, weehou,

yanqing, andrew, johan, zhiyu,

sherene, van keng, qianyun, joanne,

rachel ooi, ali, inderpal, farhan, yujin, sheryl.

and to all the people who called.

sandesh, adrian, muslim,

van tan jl, val, samuel.

and to all the people who helped pack

and cared and lent me their shoulder to cry on

and helped me get through this trying period.

i'm certainly blessed.

thank you, all of you, for impacting my life

and touching my heart in ways

you could never have imagined possible.

i got this far, not without a little bit of every one of you.

thank you.

and to bolzie, lisa, chee and menon,

please be happy for me,

i'm letting go, and it feels so good.

because like you all said and repeated,

some people are definitely not worth

all the time, effort and love you sacrifice.

they don't even know how to appreciate it.

so fuck him.

'cos i'm stronger like this.

be happy for me my loves.

'cos we built it up to watch it fall

like we meant nothing at all

i gave and gave the best of me

but couldn't give you what you need

you walked away, you stole my life

just to find what you're looking for

but there's only so many tears that you can cry

before it drains the life right from your eyes

and i can't go on that way

and so i'm letting go of everything we were.

and i'm feeling better this way,

'cos i realised that you weigh me down

when i give and give

and you don't even realise my existence.

so screw you bastard.

i'm stronger like this.

2007-06-27T13:48:00.000+08:00

the entire of last week

kept me alive and happy.

monday.

met saf and michelle

to go collect my french ic

and adam's road lunch

and yummy ice cream

and grocery shopping

and emo talks at michelle's

and fantastic four, johan's treat.

tuesday.

met bolzie for ultra yummy beehoon

and fun fun fun ikea shopping

laughing till we fell on the floor

and met lisa, michelle, wilson and fuad

for gelare (whoots)

and then to menon's to stayover

and met haziq at 4am at simpang

till the sun was up at 8am.

wednesday.

walked over to carol's

and then to marina square with her

to eat carls' junior for the first time ever

and then shop shop shop

and then yummy dinner treat

by carol's mum (thanksss)

and to bolzie's and then to michelle's

then to mos to party our lives away

and be extremely happy people.

thursday.

met the boys for dinner.

that was the mildest event the whole week.

friday.

went to check on my blazers

with michelle after town

and raffles city-ed with her

then to tampines to meet

my st hilda's teammates (yays)

and reminisced on the good old days

and laughed so so hard

they kept me happy.

saturday.

had my national league tournament

against nike air which consisted of

five open team players and two under21s

and although we lost them

i felt we all played very very well

and put up a rather tough fight

and i played well too

so screw my previous entry

'cos i know i'm better than that

and after my game bolzie and lisa

fetched me from hougang sports hall

and blindfolded me and brought me to

orchard hotel where my goodstuffs

had planned a surprise for me

which kept the happiness intact

and we ate and showered and laughed

and then to mos where

we had the time of our lives, really.

sunday.

reached back to the hotel

and talked and talked and talked

and laughed and laughed and laughed

and kept ourselves happy.

monday.

training cum friendly with nyp

at yio chu kang

and we won and it was so humid

i played till my t-shirt was drenched

but i feel good and netball keeps me happy.

tuesday.

tailor's to collect my blazers

and i seriously look like a buinesswoman

and then to michelle's for dinner

and to siglap's gelare for half-priced waffles

and catching up with val

my dearest primary school best friend

and then to michelle's to walk buddy

and emo talks and free ride home.

((:

my week was defintely a sleep-deprived one,

but it was an extremely happy one.

a special thank you to the people

who have been keeping me alive.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH! <3

this week's power-packed too.

training, goodstuffs, best buds, chee,

the boys, caroline, val, netball games.

i'm still alive

and i don't need you to keep me happy anymore.

i've found people who'll be there for me,

who'll keep me happy and alive

and i know i'm worth so so so much more.

so screw you, for eating my heart out.

read this, bastard.

2007-06-16T20:15:00.000+08:00

i don't know what's become of me.

i used to be better at what i do best.

and now, i can't even

face the court with confidence.

and worse of all, it shows.

i wish mr bok was still here.

he'd make me face my fear head-on.

and then i'd overcome it.

'cos i know that i can do it.

i just need that extra push.

now i'm almost close to nothing.

i just need that extra faith to conquer all.

i know i can do it.

it's just that, sometimes,

my fear of failure overwrites my strength.

and this is what you left me with.

i can't even concentrate anymore.

i was so much better at this.

now you've left me here

with almost nothing at all.

and you don't even know

that you're doing this to me.

2007-06-15T02:40:00.000+08:00

the last and only other time

i cried so hard

was ten years ago.

because i lost

someone who meant

so much to me.

i lost her and it broke my heart.

now, i'm crying my heart's out

for the next person

who took her place,

who meant, and still means

the entire world to me,

because i just lost him.

and the worst thing is

that you don't even know

that i'm crying for you.

and you don't know

how badly you broke my heart.

i'll keep waiting.

until i stop loving you.

and deep inside i wonder,

did i lose my only one?

2007-06-10T04:15:00.000+08:00

i never felt nothing in the world

like this before

now i'm missing you

and i'm wishing that you would

come back through my door

why did you have to go?

you could have let me know

so now i'm all alone

you could have stayed

but you wouldn't give me a chance

with you not around

it's a little bit more than i can stand

and all my tears

they keep running down my face

why did you turn away?

so why does your pride

make you run and hide?

are you that afraid of me?

but i know it's a lie

what you keep inside

this is not how you want it to be

so i will wait for you

'cos i don't know what else i can do

don't tell me i ran out of time

if it takes the rest of my life

i will wait for you

if you think i'm fine it just ain't true

i really need you in my life

no matter what i have to do

i'll wait for you

it's been a long time since you called me

how could you forget about me

you got me feeling crazy

how can you walk away

everything stays the same

i just can't do it

what will it take to make you come back

i told you what it is

and it just ain't like that

why can't you look at me

you're still in love with me

don't leave me crying

why can't we just

just start over again

get it back to the way it was

if you give me a chance

i can love you right

but you're telling me it won't be enough.

friday night changed my life.

i finally realised that

you mean that much to me.

and i know i can't go on

without you in my life.

why didn't you know?

(everyone knew).

why did you let go?

(i loved you so).

why can't we start it all over again?

(we could be so perfect).

don't let me go,

not now, not ever, please.

but before i go,

i just want you to know

i'll be waiting.

2007-06-06T01:00:00.000+08:00

give me something to believe in

'cos i don't believe in you anymore

and i wonder if

it even makes a difference to try

and you tell me how you're feeling

but i don't believe it's true anymore

i've been here before

one day i'll wake up

and it won't hurt anymore

the words you said don't have a meaning

'cos i still don't have the reason

and you don't have the time

and it really makes me wonder

if you ever gave a fuck about me.

why is it everytime i cry my heart's out,

everytime i feel like dying,

everytime i need you so badly in my life,

you decide to diminish

my significance in your life to zero.

it's like we built it up to watch it fall,

like we meant nothing at all.

i wish i was stronger. fuck.

i wonder if it even makes a difference to cry.

so i guess this is goodbye.

2007-06-04T23:55:00.000+08:00

an empty room can be so deafening

the silence makes you wanna scream

it drives you crazy

i chased away the shadows of your name

and burned the picture in a frame

but it couldn't save me

and how could we quit

something we never even tried

and you still can't tell me why

we built it up to watch it fall

like we meant nothing at all

i gave and gave the best of me

but couldn't give you what you need

you walked away, you stole my life

just to find what you're looking for

you're not the person that you used to be

the one i want who wanted me

and that's a shame but

there's only so many tears that you can cry

before it drains the light right from your eyes

and i can't go on that way

so i'm letting go of everything we were

it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

i think i've already lost you.

sometimes you hold so tight

it slips right through your hands

will i ever understand?

2007-06-03T02:11:00.000+08:00

i wish you could see

how much you hurt me

with everything you do.

i knew that someday,

we'd call less, message less, meet less,

and then eventually not at all.

looks like that day came.

and for once in my life,

i was right about something.

fuck, you hurt me so bad

i couldn't hate you that much.

take me back to the days
when you really cared
i can't go on the road's too long
i can't go forward if my heart's
still where i'm coming from.

stop playing with my mind,
please, stop playing with my heart.

2007-05-27T14:14:00.000+08:00

the hot&happening a106 gang

kept me alive yesterday.

lisa, benita, michelle, safiah,

adrian, muslim and jeremy.

you all made me so so happy.

i'm going to miss laughing my heart's out,

craniuming and mother teresa and ricky martin,

pushing each other into the water

and being happy.

i'm so going to miss you all.

we all look so happy in the photos we took.

thanks for yesterday my loves.

hot&happening, it says it all.

water, beach, sand and smiles galore.

cranium at the airport.

colourful, just the way they paint my life.

favourite kemsters that make me smile.

i'm definitely going to miss all of you, my angels.

2007-05-26T05:11:00.000+08:00

what do you do when everything

may just be the last time you're doing it?

rub-a-dub was good fun though.

more more more 4am fun.

i'm so going to miss

each and every one of you.

...and life goes on...

2007-05-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

this could be the last time.

the last time i do

everything with everyone.

it's almost as if my life ends

in one month and i have

exactly one month to do

everything i wanna do.

and i'm so sick of crying.

so sick of crying when

you're not here with me.

i don't know what to do anymore.

i don't know what to expect.

will you remember me still?

this is for my h&p friend, cheps:

when the day is long and

the night is yours alone

when you're sure you've had

enough of this life

well, hang on

don't let yourself go

everybody cries and

everybody hurts sometimes.

remember you still have us.

i'll miss you all.

)':

2007-05-23T01:39:00.000+08:00

i just wanna run away from home

and never ever turn back.

and i wish you were here

to be my shoulder to cry on.

that's what hurts the most;

not having you here

when i need you the most.

i never knew i needed you so bad.

i miss you.

2007-05-21T15:16:00.000+08:00

whatever happened to a dream,

my dream, the dream.

why must so damn much

be compromised just for

something that means alot?

there's too much to weigh

and i'm so sick of growing up.

i just wanna stay nineteen forever,

cycle with gi all day,

nasi briyani with 4a,

shop with chris,

blade with the slackers,

emosiaokao with my good stuffs,

karaoke with a106,

study (or otherwise) with zong,

train with my st hilda's teammates,

have playground talks with my bestest,

bet soccer with my best buds,

supper with the kemsters,

run around squirting water at people in mj,

mahjong with the boys

and all the things that keep me alive.

if only i could bring all of you

with me to switzerland.

now part of me wishes i get rejected

so i can stay in singapore.

and treasure all your friendships for good.

they were right:

be careful what you wish for.

it may just come true.

fuck.

2007-05-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

you know i'd be with you

if there was any way i ever could

you know i wouldn't miss your touch

if i didn't want it so much

i dont want to go but i should

you know it wouldn't hurt so bad

if it didn't feel so good

sounds like it should be easy

but it's just so hard

we've got to come to our senses

before we go too far

i want you but i can't have you

so sad so true

you got to be careful what you wish for

because this could never come true

i can't help seeing how it could be

i close my eyes and you're here next to me

i'm helplessly watching

i start to fade and love slip away.

that's everything i wanna say to you.

maybe they're right,

sometimes, letting go makes you stronger.

so now i'm got to put an end

to what i've been dying to start.

i'm letting go.

for good.

2007-05-10T03:04:00.000+08:00

i'm stronger than this

enough is enough

no more walking around

with my head down

i'm so over being blue

and crying over you

i'm so fed up with my thoughts of you

and your memory

and how every song reminds me

of what used to be

that's the reason why

i'm so sick of love songs

so tired of tears

so done with wishing you were still here

i'm so sick of love songs

so sad and slow

leave me alone

stupid love songs

don't make me think about his smile

i'm letting go

i'm turning off the radio.

i'm letting go.

for you, for me, for us.

2007-05-09T02:14:00.000+08:00

you used to talk to me like
i was the only one around
you used to lean on me like
the only other choice was falling down
you used to walk with me like
we had nowhere we needed to go
nice and slow, to no place in particular
we used to have this figured out
we used to breathe without a doubt
when nights were clear
you were the first star that i'd see
we used to have this under control
we never thought
we used to know
at least there's you, and at least there's me
can we get this back?
i used to reach for you when
i got lost along the way
i used to listen
you always had just the right thing to say
i used to follow you
never really cared where we would go
fast or slow, to anywhere at all
i look around me
and i want you to be there
'cos i miss the things that we shared
look around you
it's empty, and you're sad
'cos you miss the love that we had.

don't hold on to the past?

well, that's too much to ask.

'cos it will never go away

and i can't say goodbye to yesterday.

can we get this back to how it used to be?

i live for ten thirty every night.

2007-05-03T02:29:00.002+08:00

the sky has lost it's colour
the sun has turned to grey
at least that's how it feels to me
whenever you're away
i crawl up in the corner
as i watch the minutes pass
each one brings me closer to
the time when you'll be back
you're coming back, right?
i can't take the distance
i can't take the miles
i can't take the time
until the next time i see you smile
i can't take the distance
and i'm not ashamed
that i can't take a breath
without saying your name
i can brave a hurricane
and still be standing tall
when all the dust has settled down
but i can't take the distance
i still believe in feelings
but sometimes i feel too much
i make believe you're close to me
but it ain't close enough
not nearly close enough.

17 hours away from you.
i can't take the distance.
'cos all i do is make believe
you're right here next to me.

i'm counting down the days
until the next time i see you smile.

2007-05-03T02:29:00.000+08:00

you said goodbye

i fell apart

i fell from "all we had" to

"i never knew i needed you so bad"

"you need to let me go"

i know, you told me so

i've been through hell

trying to break the spell

why did i ever let you slip away

can't stand another day without you

without the feeling i once knew

i cry silently

i cry inside of me

i cry 'cos you're not here with me

'cos i'm lonely as can be

i cry hopelessly

'cos i know i'll never

breathe your love again

if you could see me now

you would know just how hard i try

not to wonder why

i wish i could believe

in something new

please somebody tell me it's not true

that i'll never be over you

if i could have you back tomorrow

if i could lose the pain and sorrow

i would do just anything to make you see.

i'm so empty right now

i just wanna lay down and die.

i cry and you don't even know

the tears that i'm crying out

are for you to be with me.

i miss you.

2007-04-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

i feel so empty.

i wish you were here.

this hurts.

2007-04-28T16:25:00.000+08:00

i can't take this anymore.

i don't know what to do.

i don't know how to do it.

and i don't know

how much longer i can take this.

it's hurting me.

fuck life, fuck love, really.

2007-04-27T01:15:00.000+08:00

this is to you.

for all the times you stood by me,

you're the one who saw me through

through it all.

thank you for being there for me.

now you're leaving.

remember me

'cos i will still be here

as long as you hold me

in your memory

'cos we're a picture in my mind

and when i want to find you

i just close my eyes

so don't say goodbye

'cos you'll never be that far from me

and when we’re not together
i will remember you

and all of the things

that we've gone through.

sometimes i love you

sometimes i don't

but i never ever,

never want to let you go

we've come so far

sometimes i can't believe

but i wouldn't change a thing

it's the little things that keep me holding on.

remember,

sing out this song

and i'll be there by your side.

we'll always be best friends,

come what may.

there's no place that far.

just don't forget to remember me.

i'll be missing you

and loving you.

always and forever.

2007-04-26T15:42:00.000+08:00

staring right back in the face
a memory can't be erased
i know because i tried
start to feel the emptiness
and everything i'm gonna miss
i know that i can't hide.

and we have to pretend

that it didn't even happen.

what did it even mean to you?

2007-04-26T00:52:00.000+08:00

i'd withstand all of hell

to hold your hand

and have you lying next to me.

...if i could freeze a moment in time.

2007-04-22T01:23:00.000+08:00

i've decided.

i need to let go.

do or die.

period.

2007-04-21T19:48:00.000+08:00

have you ever felt that

some things are yours to keep.

some things you do with your friends

make it unique to the friendship you share.

like how some things are uniquely yours.

and some things make you

remember this friendship.

remember the special relationship

that you share with each other.

'cos it's yours and yours only.

some activities you don't share

with your other friends.

that's what makes a

particular friendship special.

'cos you have that little something.

a little memory that once

made you that happiest person alive.

the smiles, the laughs, the tears.

that memory of the things we did.

and you just ripped it out of my heart

and shared it with someone else.

i was right.

nothing lasts forever.

and i'm not afraid to say

that i'm doubting you now.

'cos i know i'm right to doubt.

you know it's not going to last forever.

thanks for taking ~~our~~ my little secret memory

and telling the whole world.

call me selfish,
but there are a few little things
that keep me holding on
in this crazy world.
that was one of it.
thanks.

.sdratsaberasyug

i can't believe they were all right about you.

2007-04-19T23:22:00.000+08:00

sometimes it's hard

you don't want to look

over your shoulder

'cos you don't want to remember

where you've been

there'll come a time you'd die

if you could only hold him

i know that's where i am

so listen with all your heart

hold it inside forever

you may find all your dreams

have already come true

look inside and

find the part that's leading you

that's the beat of your heart

no one can tell you how to get there

it's a road you take

all by yourself.

this is going to be

a long and lonely journey.

and it's gonna be tough.

but i'm gonna do it.

i'm gonna try, at least.

maybe it's my escape.

from everything that's making me

cry my heart out everytime.

and that includes you.

maybe this will help me let go.

maybe, just maybe.

i don't know how much

this means to me now.

i don't know how much

i mean to you now.

2007-04-17T01:30:00.000+08:00

i can't believe what i just gave away
now i can't take it back
i don't wanna get lost
i don't wanna live my life without you

how am i supposed to leave you now?

and he's out of my reach forever

and just a week ago he lied next to me

it's so ironic how i had to lose

just to see that i failed to love you

i don't wanna forget you

i don't even wanna try

how am i supposed to walk on by?

spend all your time waiting

for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always some reason

to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day.

that's everything i wanna say to you.

besides i wanna grow old with you.

2007-04-13T21:55:00.000+08:00

i didn't mean to let you down

you have to believe it

i don't know what went through my mind

but now i can see

that i waited too long

to tell you how much it matters

just to be right here with you

but i couldn't think of anything better

i should have told you so

open your heart

won't you give me a second chance

and i'll be here forever

open your heart

let me show you how much i care

and i will make you understand

if you open your heart

to love me once again

i'll try to make it up to you

i want you to know

i swear that i'll be true

and never let go

we could relive this pain and sorrow

but we better do it in time

start over here and save tomorrow

i wanna make you mine.

so i might've made a few mistakes

but that was back when you would smile

and we would go everywhere

but we ain't been there for awhile

and this i know, there's a place that we can go

a place where i can finally let you know

'cos i'm the one that loves you lately

you and me, we got this great thing

we're the only ones that's around

i hope you find whatever you've been looking for

just remember where you're from and who you are

'cos there's a thousand lights

that'll make you feel brand new

but if you ever lose your way

i'll leave one on for you.

if you open your heart

love me once again.

god i need to fcuking let go.

2007-04-12T02:41:00.000+08:00

this time, this place

misused, mistakes
too long, too late

who was i to make you wait

just one chance, just one breath

just in case there's just one left

'cos you know that i love you

i have loved you all along

and i miss you

been far away for far too long

i keep dreaming

you'll be with me and you'll never go

stop breathing if i don't see you anymore

on my knees, i'll ask

last chance for one last dance

'cos with you, i'd withstand

all of hell to hold your hand

i'd give it all, i'd give for us

give anything but i won't give up.

so i figured some people

can keep me alive.

thank you for the eleventh of april.

you kept me alive for one more day

in this crazy world.

i love you,

i have loved you all along.

2007-04-11T03:12:00.000+08:00

maybe his love will come back someday

only heaven knows

and maybe our hearts will find a way

only heaven knows

and all i can do is hope and pray

'cos heaven knows.

no more waiting

no more aching

no more fighting

no more trying...

...i wish i was strong enough.

i gave it away.

now who am i to blame anyone

besides myself?

i got to be strong and move on.

but what if i don't want to?

2007-04-07T04:45:00.000+08:00

so i had a nightmare.

two weeks.

possibly the worst nightmare.

point is, i'm back.

tell me god, what does this mean?

tell me god, why is all this happening?

tell me god, what's real and what's not?

tell me god, what life's gonna be like?

tell me god, why i didn't see this earlier?

tell me god, why i have all this regrets?

tell me god, why i couldn't feel this sooner?

tell me god, why it didn't hit me then?

tell me god, why am i the one to give it all?

tell me god, why i can't give it up?

tell me god, what happens from here?

tell me god, what's love like?

tell me god, what's love lost?

tell me god, why, why, why?

tell me god, should i hold on or let go?

tell me god, what i should do.

we have our highs and lows

something everybody knows

doesn't mean that we run away

we work through our mistakes

sometimes i love you

sometimes i don't

but i never ever, never want to let you go

the road's not easy

but the feeling's strong

it's the little things that keep me holding on

of all the crazy things in life that's been

it's you and me

we've come so far

sometimes i can't believe

but i wouldn't change a thing.

some people think it's holding on

that makes one strong

sometimes it's letting go.

god help me please, if that's your plan.

ican'tseemtodoitalone.

2007-03-17T20:37:00.000+08:00

i miss kooh weehou.

all the four am talks,

all our best buds conferences

late into the night,

all the marker chasing

and staining our st hilda's uniforms,

all the mahjong sessions,

all the stayovers,

all the outings,

all the crab-huntings,

all the stupid things we did.

he's been there everytime i need him.

he's my best friend in st hilda's sec 3a/4a.

he's been my shoulder to cry on, literally.

i miss him.

i don't think you'd ever know

how much i cried inside

when i hugged him goodbye,

when i saw him walk through that door,

when i started to think about it,

when i realised that this could be

the beginning of a long and lonely journey.

i miss weehou.

please come home soon.

i miss you already.

)':

2007-03-15T01:06:00.000+08:00

she's all alone again

wiping the tears from her eyes

somedays she feels like dying

somedays it's not worth trying

she gets so sick of crying.

and maybe, just maybe,

this could be the end.

at least, it seems like that to her.

2007-03-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

i don't know what you're doing.

is this goodbye?

please tell me no...

and just so you know -

it's the little things

that keep me holding on.

2007-03-04T12:10:00.000+08:00

after all the broken storms

that were thrown, for no good reason

inside, she's loving him still

after all this time

and though her heart begs the stars

no sign of healing, it's alright

she's loving him still, after all this time

trying to push the past away

still waiting for the lights to change

try and try for the sake of it

learning to barely feel the pain

and though it's really hurting

she ain't breaking

'cos she's loving him still, after all this time

and behind his tired eyes

she sees the boy with his arms wide

who made her feel like an angel

that's why she's loving him still

for the rest of her life, she's loving him still

for the last of many, she's loving him still

after all this time.

i'm missing you

even though you're right here by my side
'cos lately it seems the distance between us

is growing too wide

if you've got something to tell me

don't keep it inside, let it be heard

i'm so afraid that you're saying it's over

well, i'll make it easy for you

if your heart's not in it for real

please don't try to fake what you don't feel

'cos i would give the whole world for you

anything you ask of me i'd do

but i won't ask you to stay

i'd rather walk away

if your heart's not in it

how i wish i could take us back in time

but it's gone too far now we can't rewind

and there's nothing that i can do

to stop me from losing you

i can't make you change your mind

if your heart's not in it.

i'm so afraid that you're saying it's over

that's the last thing that i want to hear.

remember that i made a vow

that i would never let you go

i mean it then and i mean it now

and i want to tell you so.

like a fool i keep losing my place

and having so much to say

and watching you walk away.

i guess this is the price i had to pay.

you were always there for me

now it's your turn to be free...
i'm sorry.

2007-02-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

i don't even know why i bother.

it's not as though you care anymore.

it's not as though you're going to read this.

but i just got to let it out.

'cos this time, i can't cry, i can't scream,

i can't hate, i can't love.

i think this time, i'm really numb.

and it sucks.

i'm sorry...

last night i tried but i couldn't sleep
thoughts of you were in my head
i was lonely and i needed you next to me
life was harder since you left
i never meant to do you wrong
but now all is said and done
i hope you won't be gone too long
where do i go, what do i do
you've broken the bond, i've got to move on
but how do i end this lonely feeling
you've gone, i'm here, alone
i guess it's time to grow
crying time is over

i know i can't control his feelings

if he won't return

then i guess i'll be a woman and move on

time to grow and move on

make life better than it was before

i think i can make it and move on

though you've gone

and i'm here alone

i guess it's time to grow.

i'm grown.

i don't know how to feel anymore.

i hope you won't be gone too long.

'cos i miss you already.

don't let me go when i'm this low.

I'M SORRY, REALLY...

2007-02-19T02:06:00.000+08:00

i think i've already lost you

i think you're already gone

i think i'm finally scared now

i think you're already leaving

feels like your hand is on the door

i think i'm scared - i think too much

i know it's wrong it's a problem i'm dealing with

if you're gone, maybe it's time to come home

there's an awful lot of breathing room

but i can hardly move

there's a little bit of something of me

in everything in you.

i bet you're hard to get over.

but i know you deserve so so much better.

so much better best friends who'll be there,

who don't have dysfunctional families,

who are nice by nature,

because i sure don't cut it.

i'm sorry for everything.

i'm sure you'll be happier

after deleting me from your life.

all the best for your future endeavors.

this could be goodbye.

someone please tell me,

where's the good in goodbye?

2007-02-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

fcuking dysfunctional family.

i am so going to have a

very very happy chinese new year.

fcuk it.

2007-02-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

if your heart's not in it for real

please don't try to fake what you don't feel

if love's already gone

it's not fair to lead me on

'cos i would give the whole world for you

anything you ask of me i'd do

but i won't ask you to stay

i'd rather walk away

if your heart's not in it

how i wish i could take us back in time

but it's gone too far now we can't rewind

and there's nothing that i can do

to stop me losing you

i can't make you change your mind

if your heart's not in it.

this time i'm walking away for real.

maybe i'm happier this way...

2007-02-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

now, who needs boyfriends

when you've got best friends!

i love my valentines! <3

2007-02-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

i can take the rain

on the roof of this empty house

that don't bother me

i can take a few tears now and then

and just let them out

i'm not afraid to cry

every once in a while

even though going on

with you gone still upsets me

there are days every now and again

i pretend i'm okay

but that's not what gets me

what hurts the most

was being so close

and having so much to say

and watching you walk away

and never knowing

what could have been

and not seeing that loving you

is what i was trying to do

it's hard to deal with the pain

of losing you everywhere i go

but i'm doing it

it's hard to force that smile

when i see our old friends and i'm alone

still harder getting up, getting dressed

living with this regret

but i know if i could do it over

i would trade, give away all the words

that i saved in my heart

that i left unspoken

...what hurts the most was being so close...

2007-02-05T12:10:00.000+08:00

trying to push the past away

still waiting for the lights to change

try and try for the sake of it

learning to barely feel the pain

and though it's really hurting

she ain't breaking

'cos inside, she's loving him still

after all this time

and behind his tired eyes

she sees the boy with his arms wide

who made her feel like an angel

that's why she's loving him still

for the rest of her life

she's loving him still

for the last of many

she's loving him still

after all this time.

sometimes i wonder

if you really even care.

because sometimes,

just thinking about it hurts.

...and i doubt you'd even read this...

2007-02-04T00:03:00.000+08:00

you can call me selfish

but all i want is your love

you can call me hopeless

'cos i'm hopelessly in love

you can call me unperfect

but who's perfect?

tell me what do i gotta do

to prove that i'm the only one for you

what's wrong with being selfish?

i'll be taking up your time

until the day i make you realize

that for you there could be no one else

i just gotta have you for myself

i would take good care of you

no matter what it is you're going through

i'll be there for you when you're in need

oh please believe in me

if love was a crime

then punish me, i would die for you

'cos i don't want to live without you

what can i do?

'cos i'm selfishly in love with you.

can't you see

you're the one for me

but you belong to another

i don't wanna hurt nobody

but my heart just can't hold back

it's the way that you make me feel

spinning my world around

tell me how can i walk away

i don't care what they say

i'm loving you anyway.

please don't let me go when i'm this low.

'cos you're the only thing that's keeping me strong.

2007-02-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

i don't want to lose you

i don't want to use you

just to have somebody by my side

and i don't wanna hate you

i don't wanna take you

but i don't wanna be the one to cry

that don't really matter to anyone, anymore

but like a fool, i keep losing my place

and i keep seeing you

walk through that door

but there's a danger

in loving somebody too much

and it's sad when you know
it's your heart you can't trust

there's a reason why people

don't stay where they are

baby sometimes love just ain't enough

now i could never change you

i don't wanna blame you

baby you don't have to take the fall

yes i may have hurt you

but i did not desert you

maybe i just wanna have it all

it makes a sound like thunder

it makes me feel like rain

and like a fool who will never see the truth

i keep thinking something's gonna change

and there's no way home

when it's late at night and you're all alone

are there things that you wanted to say

do you feel me beside you in your bed

there beside you where i used to lay

and there's a danger

in loving somebody too much

and it's sad when you know

it's your heart they can't touch

there's a reason why people

don't stay who they are

'cos baby sometimes love just ain't enough.

2007-01-31T00:17:00.000+08:00

'cos you wrote my name across your hand

when i freak you understand

there is not a thing you miss

and i could get used to this

i'm feeling it coming over me

with you it all comes naturally

lost the reflex to resist

and i could get used to this.

baby, come back to me.

2007-01-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

i don't know how you do it.

you can make me pissed with you,

hate you, want you, care for you,

love you.

please, i can't hold on to this any longer.

i don't want to anymore.

i knew it was over.

i know it is.

over and done.

but then it all comes back.

and that hurts.

'cos although i can hide my pain,

i can't hide the way i feel about you.

sooner or later

you're going to realise

that this kind of love
happens once in your life

so open your eyes

and see what we could be

come back to me.

2007-01-23T23:37:00.000+08:00

I LOVE CHEE!

my soulmate.

HAHAHA!

stolen leaves, umbrella and magazines,

clam chowders, nenb, 35 cents dictionary.

it's friends like that that matter.

2007-01-22T23:53:00.000+08:00

last week was waaaay fun.

met up with chris twice,

went towning and toured bugis.

aww man, i swear i miss that

telepathy sheat we had.

that was amazing play.

and all the good times:

bali, lit class, running rounds,

circuits, bitching, the kl trip,

training, and my many first times.

HAHAHA.

i love this girl ALOT.

damn, we need need need

to meet up SOON.

cheers to our bitchiness,

nenb, the ridiculous nonsense,

and most of all, to our friendship.

and later in the week i met up

with the guys that totally ROCK my world!

it's just lots and lots of fun

just being around them.

man, damn the future.

i wish life would stay like this forever.

ah, LOVE.

oh wells, life goes on,

friends stay on.

this is to the people that

made a difference.

you know who you are.

thank you.

alot.

:))

...with love.

2007-01-14T13:24:00.000+08:00

the budget mjc netball bbq

at sunplaza park

didn't turn out as bad

as we expected.

okay, not 'we' as in the team,

but 'we' as in, the slackers' club.

HAHAHA!

but that's only 'cos we brought

the fun in for ourselves! :))

meeting up with

caroline, rachel and farzanna

was much much much love.

i'm glad we're still as crazy as ever.

it was waaaaay fun.

thinking back,

all the crazily awesome memories!

from faking injuries to escape the rounds,

to running to the canteen to eat ice cream

after asking for permission to go to the toilet,

to tahan-ing ms choy's

unpredictable mood swings,

to encouraging each other during games,

to trying to train hard (key word: trying),

to bitching about erm, people (HAHAHA),

to bobsessing (oops),

to F-U-N!

although we weren't a great team,

these three girls made the time worthwhile.

so this is for our friendship,

for the slackers' club.

farz, rachel, carol and me!

memories and friendships.

TIGHT! ((:

the official slackers' club.

2007-01-12T15:40:00.000+08:00

i don't know what i'm feeling,

don't know why i'm feeling

the way i do.

dreams of you pollute my mind.

and i don't even want

to wake up anymore.

reality's a bitch.

'cos when i look in your eyes

i still go crazy.

2007-01-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

today was one of those days,

like those in the past two years,

that i just close my eyes

and thank god for blessing me

with such an awesome class:

mjc.05a106.

today a106 gathered at my place

to celebrate adrian's birthday

and it was a sort of a mini farewell

for those going our separate ways -

army, working, studying, whatever.

it was a sweet closure to

the past two years

that meridian brought us through.

yes, a106 has gone through sooooo much,

so much more than any other class, i'm sure.

but through it all,

we hung on to each other

and we have grown together.

so this, is for friendships that will last.

mjc.05a106: truly the best i ever had. (:

2007-01-05T23:08:00.000+08:00

you know,
it feels good when you're back.
back to where you started.
yeah, sometimes.
like, reliving the good old days?
well, almost i guess.

five days into 2007.

i'm not complaining.

i'm just really grateful that

2006 closed on the right note.

yes, there were the ups and downs,

the damned a's, the ridiculous results,

the disheartedning competitions,

and even the forsaken friendships.

but i'm just really blessed that

i got my best friend back.

now i know what they mean

when the say that

when the night is darkest,

the sun is rising soon.

i understand.

'cos i've been through that.

the worst ever, really.

but god is good, amen.

and now, the bestest is back.

and i pray that this time,

forever will last.

so this is for us.

for a friendship that will last forever.

yes, forever.

('cos this time, i'm giving 'forever' a shot).

thank you for the ups and downs.

the love and hate.

the smiles and frowns.

this is the friendship that has won and lost.

and we're still together through it all.

bestest-bestest-bestest-until-cannot-best-already.

always and forever.
:))

2007-01-01T14:28:00.000+08:00

2006 has been a

helluva roller-coaster ride

and i must admit that

i've come out of it stronger.

the ups and downs - i'm grateful.

it definitely feels good

to tie up loose ends

before a new year begins.

so this is for 2006,

for the memories, smiles and tears.

and this, is for 2007.

for many many more of those,

and for friendship and love.

always and forever.

2006-12-31T04:33:00.000+08:00

you are beautiful

just the way you are

and i love it all
every line, and every scar
and i wish that i could make you see
this is where you ought to be
come down to me.

i'm singing every word for you
here i'm thinking i'm sly
then you're catching my eye
and just maybe
you're thinking what i'm thinking too.

2006-12-31T04:16:00.000+08:00

three days ago,

i thought that

i waited too long

to tell you how much

it matters.

now,

i know i'm blessed.

i'm sorry,

but this time,

i'm not going to give up.

not going to give up on you.

because my happiness is at stake.

ilu.

i still do.

always and forever.

2006-12-29T23:23:00.000+08:00

meeting up with my

st hilda's netball teammates

was much love.

haven't seen some of them

since the release of the o's results

'cos i wasn't able

to make it last year.

wow.

this was the team that shared

the smiles, tears, sweat, blood,

victories, losses, scoldings,

bitching, dancing, joy and all.

this was the team that made it

to east zone champs

and national third.

this was the team that changed my life.

i miss all of them.

we have to plan a friendly soon,

so we can all meet up to play netball.

i miss all you girls.

thank you for the best times

in st hilda's.

because the best times

were during training,

competitions, and just

bonding with the team.

you all are love.

2006-12-29T00:42:00.000+08:00

i didn't mean to let you down

you have to believe it

i don't know what went through my mind

but now i can see

that i waited too long

to tell you how much it matters

just to be right here with you

but i couldn't think of anything better

i should have told you so

open your heart

won't you give me a second chance

and i'll be here forever

open your heart

let me show you how much i care

and i will make you understand

if you open your heart

to love me once again

i'll try to make it up to you

i want you to know

i swear that i'll be true

and never let go

we could relive this pain and sorrow

but we better do it in time

start over here and save tomorrow

i want to make you mine.

you'll find it in the deepest friendship

the kind you cherish all your life

and when you know how much that means

you've found that special thing

you're flying without wings

it's the little things that only i know

'cos you're my special thing.

'cos you and i

could lose it all if you've got no more room

no more inside for me in your life.

'cos i want it all

or nothing at all

there's nowhere left to fall

when you reach the bottom it's now or never

is it all or are we just friends

is this how it ends

with a simple telephone call

you leave me here with nothing at all.

2006-12-29T00:07:00.001+08:00

the past few days

had been one of

the most fun,

in a nong nong time.

supper-ing with the kemsters

on christmas night,

which soooo did NOT happen.

and bolzie and i

ended up at lisa's place

for a stayover,

braving the rain and all,

to find a sick lisa

who left her room to

bolzie and i,

who ended up watching

save the last dance,

and feasting on chips

which we found,

and creeping around lisa's house,

making ourselves at home, literally,

and knocking on her brother's door

to ask for vcds and just for fun.

i love love love my kemsters.

and last night,

the guys and i stayed over

at johan's place.

cards and monopoly.

ohmygoodness.

weehou NEEDS to bring the

damned mahjong tiles next time.

HAHAHA.

poker, daidi, ban luck...

i need mahjong!

slept at six in the morning,

woke up at one.

sheesh.

oh wells.

monopoly's not THAT boring after all.

not when the guys keeps giving you

LOTS of cash when they

take the oh-so-lovely train.

can't wait to see them again.

i miss miss miss the guys.

after johan's house,

bolzie and i met at kem

to go to brother's house.

and MAN! that was ULTRA funnn!

the most fun i've had in forever.

from yummy beehoon,

to bbq-ing,

to catching up with everyone,

to mahjong-ing,

to my new favourite hobby, ever:

KARAOKE!

omg lah.

singing with the class in F-U-N.

awesome, really.

i haven't had so much fun

with strawb, adrian, bolzie,

brother and the rest of a106

in a looooooong time!

honestly, it was fun.

fun, fun and more more more fun.

i must admit that i love and miss my class

mjc.05a106 A WHOLE DAMN LOT.

can't wait to see all of them on the 7th!

05a106: truly the best i ever had.

when did you last

let your heart decide?

2006-12-25T23:02:00.000+08:00

remember me?

i used to be the best time buddy
who you couldn't wait to see
but getting old, it takes its toll
and hearts getting broken
lead to people growing old.
i'm flipping with a coin
that's got a tail on either side
i'm gonna be the one
who makes you stop and realise
you could have it all.

i was so near

now you're so far

are you quite sure

just who you are?

i wonder where you've been,

i wonder who you've seen,

i wonder if you ever get

to say what's on your mind.

2006-12-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

please don't spoil my christmas,

please.

2006-12-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

who would have thought

that you could hurt me

the way you've done it?

so deliberate, so determined.

and since you have been gone,

i bite my nails for days and hours

and question my own questions on and on.

you don't even know the

meaning of the words "i'm sorry".

you said you would love me until you die

and as far as i know you're still alive.

i'm starting to believe it should be

illegal to deceive a woman's heart.

i tried so hard to be attentive,

do all you wanted,

always supportive, always patient.

what did i do wrong?

anyhow, anyhow,

i wish you both all the best.

i hope you get along.

maybe we could both

be happier this way.

merry christmas.

2006-12-23T22:57:00.000+08:00

BASTARD.

this time i mean it,

i swear.

2006-12-23T22:40:00.000+08:00

from eight to twelve this morning,

i was the happiest girl.

I PLAYED NETBALL!

for four hours, i was free.

no worries, no thoughts,

no pain, no tears,

no sorrow, no hurt.

just netball.

and it made me damnnn happy!

meeting up with some of the

extremes girls and jiao lian

to play a friendly against ajc

was fun, fun and more fun.

suddenly it was not even a chore

to go all the way down to

yio chu kang to train!

i realised how much

i miss the game.

i miss the passion!

netball made me happy.

it still does i guess.

'cos unlike some things,

others don't change.

and netball still keeps me a happy girl.

2006-12-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

a part of me wants to leave you alone.

a part of me wants for you to come home.

a part of me says i'm living a lie

(and i'm better off without you).

a part of me says to think it through.

a part of me says i'm over you.

a part of me wants to say goodbye.

a part of me is asking why.

a part of me wants to leave.

but a part of me wants to be here with you.

and everytime i think we're over and done

you do something to get me back loving you.

and you got me just torn;

torn in between the two,

'cos really wanna be with you.

but something's telling me

i should leave you alone.

a part of me says it's all my fault.

a part of me says "he ain't what you want."

a part of me says to get my bags.

a part of me says i can't do that.

so many times i was ready to go.

so many times i had my foot out the door.

so many times i thought to give him a chance,

thought he'd be a better man.

now i'm sitting here and i'm so confused.

'cos i keep fighting myself for you.

i don't know how much more i can take

but i can't feel this way.

you got me so torn.

plus i'm feeling so burnt out.

'cos i can't understand you now.

2006-12-14T14:58:00.000+08:00

i don't want to fight no more

i forgot what we were fighting for.

sleepless nights have got me bad

the only dream i ever had

is being with you.

i know that we can make it right

it's going to take a little time.

let's not leave ourselves with no way out,

let's not cross that line.

remember that i made a vow

that i would never let you go

i meant it then i mean it now.

we could relive this pain and sorrow

but we better do it in time
start over here and save tomorrow

i want to make you mine.

what's the point?

this is torture.

i don't want to give in this time

'cos i want to know

how much this means to you.

i think i got the answer already.

thank you for everything then.

this could be the last.

my first and last.

a friend asked:

would you rather:

a guy who doesn't make you cry,

or a guy who makes you laugh?

i don't have an answer to that question

'cos you make me laugh and cry.

i've got to learn to let go.

2006-12-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

and for two seconds

it's almost like we're

friends again.

only we're not.

which is strange.

to know that

someone you once

really, really cared about

is going to be a stranger

you pass by in the hallway.

like, maybe you say hi.

what's even stranger

is that it's okay.

2006-12-08T22:51:00.000+08:00

even though you may want

to move forward in your life,

you may have one foot on the brakes.

in order to be free,

we must learn how to let go.

release the hurt.

release the fear.

refuse to entertain your old pain.

the energy it takes to

hang onto the past is

holding you back from a new life.

what is it you would let go of today?

i so badly want to let go of you.

but i guess some things

are worth waiting for,

worth fighting for.

my only question is, are you?

2006-12-08T22:02:00.000+08:00

where do i go, what do i do
when everywhere i turn
it just reminds me of you.
you should know

what it's like when it hurts.

'cos i know i can do

what she can do,

so much better.

i hope you're regretting,

letting me go.

do you even know why

you're doing this to me?

2006-12-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

i have a picture

pinned to my wall

an image of you and me

and we're laughing and loving it all

look at our life now,

tattered and torn

we fuss and we fight

and delight in the tears

that we cry until dawn

hold me now, warm my heart

stay with me, let loving start

you say i'm a dreamer,

we're two of a kind

both of us searching

for some perfect world

we know we'll never find

so perhaps i should leave here,

go far far away

but you know that there's

no where that i'd rather be

than with you here today

you ask if i love you,

well what can i say?

you know that i do

and this is just one of

those games that we play

so i'll sing you a new song,

please don't cry anymore

and then i'll ask your forgiveness,

though i don't know

just what i'm asking it for.

i never did believe that

you were worth crying for.

and now all i ever do

is drown in my tears

thinking about you,

thinking about us,

thinking about nothing.

2006-11-28T23:39:00.000+08:00

they will not come back.

the road is hard

and no one wants to listen

to the stories

they will have to tell.

but when the steel market crashes

and the orchard is paved over

and the bailiff's men

are playing blackjack

on the stairs

they will be waiting for you

at the bottom of the frozen lake.

this short life makes a joke

of long hopes.

you will realise that this is

where your journey starts.

2006-11-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

and listen to the songs

of love and loss

on picnic radios

and dream of slipping

through the ticket office

after dark

in search of telephones

and discotheques

and chinese restaurants,

a world where games of football

can be won

and lost,

where roads run to the ocean

and the ocean runs

forever.

they will understand in time.

sit still for long enough

and everything will come to you.

maybe, just maybe

everything will come.

2006-11-25T02:17:00.000+08:00

i'm holding my heart out

but clutching it too.