there are some days, like today,
that things go haywire.
there's just so so so much
in my head right now
i can't even sit down and think things through
without breaking down.
i'm seventeen hours away from home
and most of the time,
it feels like i left everything back in singapore.
it's not easy to be so far away from home,
especially for me,
when everything back home
meant everything to me once upon a time.
to give all that up,
even for a dream,
is so painful.
it may look all flowery
with the beautiful vacation pictures
but i would be way happier
if i had my true friends or family with me.
i don't know anyone here well enough
to trust them with my whole life.
though back home it may be the same,
but i know that there are a few people,
out of the many others,
whom i can trust with my life.
which is exactly what i need right now -
people who can keep me strong,
people who can take care of my heart,
people who'll be there through it all.
here, now, i feel so alone i cry myself to sleep. there's so much to give up for this dream that i might not even realise.
i'm this close to giving up
everything i saw myself for,
and giving up on myself.
i’m trying to keep it together but i’m falling apart.
i'm stronger than this.
i got to pull myself together.
this is just a meltdown.
i had to go through it.
i'll be stronger, i promise.
thank you christabel for being there
through the smiles and the tears.
you make me feel safe.
although we're so far apart,
i feel your hugs.
i'm so blessed.
chee, iloveyou.
and for everything that's too big for me,
i'm going to leave it to god.
because he'll make a way,
even when there seems to be no way.
god will make a way
where there seems to be no way
he works in ways we cannot see
he will make a way for me
he will be my guide
hold me closely to his side
with love and strength for each new day
he will make a way.
amen.