Wednesday, August 30, 2006
8:49 PMrecently there's been alot of thought
about that big guy up there.
been listening to christian songs
alot more often than usual,
been talking about it quite alot,
and it feels good.
good, to know that amidst
all these fury and haste,
god is always there,
to make sure that we are fine.
i like him alot.
although i don't show it much,
but really, i realised that when
no one's going to be there,
he will.
and it's comforting, really.
just as he has proven to me
for the past eighteen years of my life.
out of every bad thing that has happened,
he has blessed me with something
ten times more beautiful.
even the simplest things.
i'm so mighty grateful
for his love.
thank you god.
i know you'll pull me through.
i'm going to work hard.
i'm going to prove all those
around me wrong.
god be my strength, my refuge
and my guide.
thank you lord for every single day,
for the sunlight, for the rain,
for the friends, for the love.
you are love.
and i love you.
this, on a different note,
is for someone special.
HAHAHA!
for someone who is
so much more brilliant.
someone who makes me a happy girl.
you know everything that i'm afraid of
you do everything i wish i did
everybody wants you
everybody loves you
i know i should tell you how i feel
i wish everyone will disappear
everytime you call me
i'm too scared to be me
and i'm too shy to say:
i've got a crush on you
i hope you feel the way that i do
i get a rush when i'm with you
i've got a crush on you
a crush on you
you know i'm the one
that you can talk to
sometimes you tell me things
that i don't want to know
i just want to hold you
you say exactly how you feel about her
i wonder could you ever
think of me that way
you say everything that no one says
but i feel everything
that you're afraid to feel
how i'll always want you
i will always love you.
((:p.dots my love.
6:42 PM
i realised that through
this journey called life,
people walk in and out
of your life,
some stay for a while,
some a little longer,
some are your source of smiles,
and then there are those
that come along and hurt you,
use you, and when they're done
with you, they leave you
in the middle of this crazy world.
hurt. broken. destroyed.
but of course,
god put other much more
wonderful, lovely and beautiful people
out there in our lives
to cheer us up,
to pick us up,
to make us realise that
some people just aren't worth it.
so this goes out to all of you
who are undeniably my joys.
thank you:
mjc.05a106; benita, lisa, mic
safiah, azlyn, brother, mini van
lighting, mus, adrian, strawb
suq, di, des, andi, mano!
thanks for being my
daily source of smiles.
to zong, thanks for brightening
up every single day.
it means alot.
i'm grateful to all of my lovely blessings.
god is good.
and i appreciate every single
little thing he has done for me.
he is never failing, always loving.
god is wonderful.
thank you for everything.
he's more than the laughter
or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat
or a song on her lips
someday she'll trust him
and learn how to see him
someday he'll call her
and she will come running
and fall in his arms
and the tears will fall down
and she'll pray
i want to fall in love with you.
because you are
what the keeps me sane
in this crazy world.and i love you.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
1:12 PMsomebody i know told me yesterday
that you're never coming back to me
what's the use in crying then?
it's the way of the world
and you know you've got
the chance to change
and the brilliant thing is
there's a million things
that you know are always gonna
help you take your mind off things
i found out that i lost a part of me
but it's a better now
though this thing's been hard for me
'cos the day has come
i should be moving on
that's the only way to go:
pick it up and start again.
and now it's a whole lot better.
i found someone better.
someone who can make me happier.
i just pray that it doesn't
turn out like another you.
p.dots makes me a happy girl.
((:
Saturday, August 26, 2006
4:27 PManother turning point
a fork stuck in the road
time grabs you by the wrist
directs you where to go
so make the best of this test
and don't ask why
it's not a question
but a lesson learned in time
it's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right
i hope you had the time of your life
so take the photographs
and still frames in your mind
hang them on a shelf
in good health and good times
tattoos and memories
and dead skin on trial
for what it's worth
it was worth all the while.
so the last week of school
in mjc is unofficially over.
compass on thursday was...
well, emotional.
thought about all the times
05a106 had gone through
together as a class
and came out stronger.
it's amazing to have
such beautiful classmates
who make everyday in meridian
the best it could ever be.
all the smiles, the tears,
the laughter, the dumb unfunny jokes,
the canteen talks, the dancing in class,
the lecture ponning, the touring,
the class bondings, tibeting,
learning journey, netball after pe,
the maid, hollaback,
the teachers, the friends,
the fun, the memories.
i am so going to miss mjc.05a106.
thank you all you sixteen angels
for being my daily source of smiles.
you all are the biggest blessings
in mjc and i want you all to know
that i love you all so so so so much.
thank you for everything.
((:
school's over.
we're almost on our own.
i will miss the school, the friends;
everything that has shaped
my life for the past two years.
damn it.
getting abit emo ah.
like that emo,
farewell assembly i surely die.
ah wells.
all good thing must come to an end.
"remember every new beginning
is some beginning's end."
is some beginning's end."
so this is for all the
sixteen loves of a106:
thank you for making the journey
one hell of a ride.
the memories will always be kept
close to my heart.
I LOVE YOU!
:))
on a not so emo note,
went to study overnight
at the airport with bolzie,
zong and khairil.
it was a whole lot of fun...
...until we all almost died
of tired-ness.
hahaha!
all the dumb jokes, the laughing
till we ended up in stitches
and so much more!
but all of them are love.
you always want what you can't have.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
9:24 PMmaybe we're all different
but we're still the same
we all got the blood of eden
running through our veins
i know sometimes it's hard for you to see
you're caught between just who you are
and who you want to beif you feel alone and lost and need a friend
remember every new beginning
is some beginning's endwelcome to wherever you are
this is your life; you made it this far
welcome, you got to believe
that right here, right now
you're exactly where you're supposed to be
welcome to wherever you arewhen everybody's in and you're left out
and you feel you're drowning
in the shadow of a doubt
everyone's a miracle in their own way
just listen to yourself
not what other people say
when it seems you're lost,
alone and feeling down
remember, everybody's different;
just take a look
be who you want to be, be who you are
everyone's a hero, everyone's a star
when you want to give up
and your heart's about to break
remember that you're perfect;
god makes no mistakes.
"remember every new beginning
is some beginning's end".
is some beginning's end".
and i choose to believe it.
today was the first time
i thought about him in a long while.
suddenly it came back.
i don't know how i feel,
i don't know what to feel.
life goes on.
yeah, maybe it does.
but as michelle puts it,
and i totally agree with it,
"nothing last forever only if
you don't remember with your heart".
i don't want to think about it.
i don't want to think about you.
i don't want to think about us.
i don't want to see you.
i don't want to talk to you.
i guess sometimes
the past hurts.
during ms k's lecture today
on catharsis in king lear,
she said:
"memory generates pain".
and it's true.
damn it.
and i thought i was over it.
i know i'm over it!
damn it!
but my girls and a106,
the fun times we share,
the laughter, the tears,
the talks, the sorang-moments,
the dumb jokes, the gossips,
the lingo, the love.
i swear i'm so going to miss mj.
miss the environment.
miss the school.
miss the fun.
miss the friends.
miss the memories.
i just pray so damn hard
that our friendships will last....with love...
Sunday, August 20, 2006
11:17 PMwhen you have to look away
when you don't have much to say
that's when i love you
i love you, just that wayto hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk, with two left feet
that's when i love you
i love you, endlesslyand when you're mad 'cos you lost the game
forget i'm waiting in the rain
baby i love you, i love you anyway'cos here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
'cos that's when i love you
when nothing you do could change my mind
the more i learn, the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter whatso when you turn to hide your eyes
'cos the movie, it made you cry
that's when i love you
i love you, a little more each time
and when you can't quite match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
that's when i love you
i love you, more than you'll know
and when you forget that we had a date
or that look that you give when you show up late
baby i love you, i love you anyway.
bolzie and mine.
so it's just ten weeks away.
and i'm getting scared
but not quite doing anything
about it yet.
damn it.
when you've got too much
on your mind.
when you get confused
most of the time.
what do you do?
when you know your love
goes unnoticed.
or even worse, when you don't
know who to love.
tell me what do you do?
21 august.
it's her day.
and i miss her.
memories both bitter and sweet.
it's gone for good.
but remember,
out of every bad thing
comes something good.
and i choose to believe that.
(:
you can call me selfish
but all i want is your love
you can call me hopeless
'cos i'm hopelessly in love
you can call me unperfect
but who's perfect?
tell me what do i got to do
to prove that i'm the only one for you.
Friday, August 18, 2006
11:10 PMi love lisa and bolzie
to the tiniest bits!
(no pun intended)
honestly, what would i do
without those two fellow
kemsters of mine.
sigh.
i swear i'm going to
miss jc life like mad.
all the lingos
and chasing
and pineapple-throwing
and unglam moments
and more more more.
damn it.
but all good things
must come to an end.
and out of every bad thing
comes something good.
right bolzie?
so yesss.
misery is a choice.
triple a's is a choice.
and we are going to do it.
while at the same time
having fun and being
garden advocates.
and beanified people.
and polka-dotting around.
ahhh. p.dots makes me
a happy girl.
lalala.
((:
time has a habit of slipping away.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
7:36 PMat night i pray
that soon your face
will fade away.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
9:06 PMit's funny when you find yourself
looking from the outside
i'm standing here
but all i want is to be over there
why did i let myself believe
miracles could happen
'cos now i have to pretend
that i don't really care
i thought you were my fairytale
my dream when i'm not sleeping
a wish upon a star that's coming true
but everybody else could tell
that i confused my feelings with the truth
when there was me and you
i swore i knew the melody
that i heard you singing
and when you smiled
you made me feel
like i could sing along
but then you went and changed the words
now my heart is empty
i'm only left with used-to-be's
and once upon a song
i know you're not a fairytale
and dreams are meant for sleeping
and wishes on a star
just don't come true
and now even i can tell
that i confused my feelings with the truth
because i liked the view
when there was me and you
i can't believe that i could be so blind
it's like you were floating
while i was falling
and i didn't mind
because i like the view
i thought you felt it too
when there was me and you.
tell me that it's over.
and the past is gone.
'cos i want to hear it from you.
8:30 PM
some things should be left unsaid.
and while life is,
and remains f-ed up,
i'm going to focus on my goal.
and while life is,
and remains f-ed up,
i'm going to focus on my goal.
i'm going to do it.
and i'm not going to give up.
it may seem difficult,
but nobody said
it was going to be easy.
with god by my side,
i'm going to run this race
to the best of my ability.
i know i can do it.
and i'm not going to lose faith,
not going to lose hope.
it'll be over all too soon.
meet the a's!
thank you for being there.
i've been a horrible friend.
and i'm sorry.
but thanks,
because you have no idea
how much it means to me.
thanks.
so where is the passion
when you need it the most
you kick up the leaves
and the magic is lost.
Friday, August 11, 2006
1:22 PMpangseh-ed.
kanasai.and i so have not been studying.
plus my weekends are burnt.
sheat.
i just wasted one whole week
of study leave.
damn it.
i need to wake up the idea.
urghhh.
bloody a's.
four more months to freedom.
i definitely can't wait.
sigh.
a's.
Its all about drama,
and love, and relationships
and when the going gets tough
you deal with it
and you dont ever
you never walk away from it
you hold on, and be strong.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
10:47 PMmy only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
11:13 PMeighth of august
was brilliant, brilliant and brilliant.
had so much fun with my girls.
i so totally love them.
i can't even begin to describe
the amount of joy i had.
it was so ultra fun.
and i so swear i'm going to miss
every single one of them
when i leave mj.
from sebastian, to rocking chairs,
to cik cum chick, to fireworks,
to garden advocates, to sing-alongs,
to fun, fun and more fun.
I LOVE LISA, BOLZIE AND MIC!
thanks for bringing smiles to me.
i love love love you girls.
((:
national day performances
in college was alright.
but photo-taking was ultra fun!
go to my friendster
and check out the pics.
that's if i'm un-lazy enough
to put the pictures up.
the baju kurong, courtesy of saf,
made me a happy person.
lalala.
thanks saf. :)oh. today i went to the airport
with zong, khairil and afiq.
we were supposed to study.
and i swear NOTHING
went into my already tiny
and virtually non-existant brain.
but slacking and talking and gossiping
with zong and the guys is fun.
after khai and afiq left was even funnier.
just talking and talking and talking.
zong rocks lah.
my hamsome cousin.
lalalala.
he makes me a happy girl.
although i need to study.
dumb zong.
but he still rocks lah.fridayyy.
can't wait.
fireworksss.
they'll make me happy once again.
after all the sheat
life is to me.
ah wells.
fireworks.
that's all i'm looking forward to.
:))
how long will i be waiting?
until the end of time
i don't know why i'm still waiting
i can't make you mine.
when she holds you close
when she pulls you near
when she says the words
you've been needing to hear
i'll wish i was her
with those words of mine
to say to you till the end of time.
Monday, August 07, 2006
11:35 PMeverything is f-ed up
straight from the heart
tell me what do you do
when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up
where do i start
'cos i can't turn to you
when it all falls apart.
don't know who my
real friends are anymore.
i put my faith in you,
what a stupid thing to do.
10:33 PM
i realised that
there's really not alot
of time left.
and that the prelims
are inching closer
and i'm really unprepared?!
sheesh.
on a lighter note,
tomorrow's the national day
celebrations in school.
hope everything will be fun.
shall take lots and lots of photos.
and put them up here,
if i'm not that lazy.
HAHAHA!
ah wells.
i can't wait for friday!
going to watch fireworks!
with johan!
lalala.
i'll be a happy girl.
((:
Sunday, August 06, 2006
11:34 PMwrath.
and i'm giving up.
on you.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
12:05 PMi miss netball.
i miss st hildas netball.
i miss extremes netball.i miss
i miss st hildas netball.
i miss extremes netball.i miss
the anticipation before a big game.
the satisfaction of tears, blood and pain.
the feeling of being the champs,
be it bringing home a trophy
or just performing our personal best.
the genuine bond within the team.
the never-say-die fighting spirit.
the fun we shared.
the memories we made.
the love for each other.
the love for the game.
the passion.
that was beautiful.
it was a beautiful game.
and i miss all that now.
the satisfaction of tears, blood and pain.
the feeling of being the champs,
be it bringing home a trophy
or just performing our personal best.
the genuine bond within the team.
the never-say-die fighting spirit.
the fun we shared.
the memories we made.
the love for each other.
the love for the game.
the passion.
that was beautiful.
it was a beautiful game.
and i miss all that now.
this is team spirit. and i miss it.
and phenomenal feeling of being champs.
all for one and one for all.
and praying before every game,
god be our guide.
and the endless, torturous trainings.
but this is passion.
and i will never forget it.
a new race has begun.
and i'm going to finish it well.
amen. ((:
3:27 AM
you're not the person that you used to be,
the one i want who wanted me.sometimes you hold so tight
it slips right through your hand
will i ever understand?
2:33 AM
this is 10% luck
20% skill
15% concentrated power of will
5% pleasure
50% pain.
this sounds like the a's.
everyday i wake up
i hope i'm dreaming
i can't believe this sheat
can't believe you ain't here
sometimes it's just hard to wake up
it's hard to just keep going
it's like, i feel empty inside
without you being here
i would do anything to bring you back.
memories give me the strength i need,
strength i need to believe.
every step i take, every move i make
every single day, every time i pray
i'll be missing you.
every single day, every time i pray
i'll be missing you.
and this goes out to everyone,
that has lost someone that they truly loved.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
11:26 PMwhen i'm lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head.
remember the good times
won't you bring them back
someday, somehow..living on a memory.
10:44 PM
i feel confused as of today.
as of just.
feelings are tough.
feelings are dumb,
sometimes, at least.
but touring the school
with lisa is fun.
gardening...
and polka dotting...
lalala.
it's ironic though.
the prelims are
about 37 days away.
THIRTY SEVEN!
and school's getting
more and more fun
with each day.
but for the wrongest reasons.
tsk tsk tsk.
but but but.
touring is fun.
no doubt about that.
...riiighttt lisa?
hahaha!wake up the idea lah neh!
j2 already so slack.
damn it.
this sucks.
the damned a's.
urgh.
.p.dots.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
10:23 PMthe memories remain.
somehow.
today, it was so close yet so far.
yesss, afa.
the past came back.
and it was fun.
he played well.
totally impressive.
and i'm happy for him.
i'm happy that i saw him.
such a pity.
so close yet so far.
damn it.
but it's all in the past now,
or is it...?
ah damn it.
this is getting a wee bit nostalgic.
point is:
i'm a happy person.
memories are forever.
go FIVE!
((:.the past haunts.