//* sheer happiness in the million little things.

`never give up on the things
that make you smile.

((:

herFRIENDS.
michelle
lisa
melissa
jkhoo
tanjiali
safiah
azlyn
andi
muslim
mygirls'shop
my friendster

herTHOUGHTS.
...before we get too old...

in open fields of wild flowers
she breathes the air and flies away
she thanks her jesus
for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
someday she'll understand
the meaning of it all
he's more than the laughter
or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat
or a song on her lips
someday she'll trust him
and learn how to see him
someday he'll call her
and she will come running
and fall in his arms
and the tears will fall down and she'll pray
i want to fall in love with you.

jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
'cos i can't do this on my own
i'm letting go
so give me one more chance
save me from this road i'm on
jesus take the wheel.

when you want to give up
and your heart's about to break
remember that you're perfect
god makes no mistakes.

we're running, keep holding my hand
so we don't get separated
be the one i need
be the one i trust most
don't stop inspiring me.

lately i've been down upon my knees
not looking for a miracle
just a reason to believe.

i'm feeling nervous
trying to be so perfect
'cos i know you're worth it.

you always want what you can't have
but i've got to try.

i've finally found that something
worth reaching for
i'm not here to say i'm sorry
i'm not here to lie to you
i'm here to say i'm ready
that i've finally thought it through
i'm not here to let your love go
i'm not giving up, oh no
i'm here to win your heart and soul
that's my goal
please don't go
you know that i need you
i can't breathe without you
live without you
be without you.

on my knees, i'll ask
last chance for one last dance
'cos with you, i'd withstand
all of hell to hold your hand
i'd give it all
i'd give for us
give anything but i won't give up.

if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?
i don't quite know
how to say
how i feel
those three words
are said too much
they're not enough.

you can call me selfish
but all i want is your love
you can call me hopeless
'cos i'm hopelessly in love
you can call me unperfect
but who's perfect?
tell me what do i got to do
to prove that i'm the only one for you.

i don't believe that anybody
feels the way i do about you now
there are many things that
i would like to say to you
but i don't know how.

you know i'm the one that you can talk to
sometimes you tell me things
that i don't want to know
i just want to hold you
you say exactly how you feel about her
i wonder could you ever think of me that way.

you and i walk beside each other
day after day
but there's so much inside me
i never get to say.

i want to know that
you will catch me when i fall.

i saw you smile
and my mind could not erase
the beauty of your face
just for a while
won't you let me shelter you
i don't know how to stop feeling this way
hold on to the night
hold on to the memory
i wish that i could give you something more
that i could be yours.

as we go on, we remember
all the times we had together
and as our lives change
come whatever
we will still be
friends forever.

when there are lines upon my face
from a lifetime of smiles
and when the time comes to embrace
for one long last while
we can laugh about how time really flies
we won't say goodbye
'cos true love never dies
and my only prayer is that you'll realise
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

do you ever think of me
do i ever cross your mind
do you ever ask yourself
what's she doing tonight?

gather moments while you may
collect the dreams you dream today
remember, will you remember
the times of your life.

sometimes i feel like crying
lay down and dying
that's when i need you.

there's no difference
between the tear drops and the rain.

and if i could hold on
through the tears and the laughter
would it be beautiful
or just a beautiful disaster.

(to her*)
fly me up to where you are
beyond the distant star
i wish upon tonight
to see you smile
if only for awhile
to know you're there
a breath away's not far
to where you are.

when i'm sitting all alone in my room
everything reminds me of you.

so come on baby let me be the girl
that you can count on to rock your world.

do you realise that you have
the most beautiful things
do you realise that
happiness makes you cry.

and this is my beautiful life
only thing's certain is everything changes
the lows and the highs
and all those goodbyes
as hard as it gets i know it's still amazing
to be alive
it's a beautiful life. :)

Saturday, July 29, 2006

11:00 PM

went for ndp 2006 preview.

was alright.

my family was sweaty and smelly.

yucks.

but...

the fireworks were gorgeous!

i so totally looooove fireworks.

they make my day.

((:

and so, she left it up to fate.

she doesn't want a new love.

and if she wants him,

and she can't have him,

she'll break herself into a million pieces

everything else can wait.

but what could be so wonderful about this?

what could be so wonderful?

you said it yourself

you said i'm not ready

i'm telling myself

but it's not sinking in

maybe i'm new at this

or is it just your reaction

be my illusion,

and i'll be your distraction.

i'll wait back here,

or should i start pushing my way back?

remember me this way//*

Thursday, July 27, 2006

10:12 PM

i remember laughing till we almost cried

i remember looking in his eyes.
and i bet you've forgotten everything.

remember me this way//*

9:21 PM

i said a prayer

that someday i would find a boy

and together we'd find joy

maybe someday

and he would care

about the colour of the sky

about the things that make me cry

maybe someday

and if it happens this is what i'd say:

and i will give you my life

together we'll make it right

and i will say to you

what is for sure

that i'll give you my world

and baby i'll be your girl

and i will say to you

everything i have is yours

i wonder if god has shown him

he is the one who's gonna marry me

maybe someday

so, i'm gonna wait

'cos i'm worth waiting for

and what i'm worth is so much more

for that someday.

...and so, i'm gonna wait.

damn it.

remember me this way//*

Sunday, July 23, 2006

6:40 PM

do you ever think of me

do i ever cross your mind

do you ever ask yourself

what's she doing tonight?

maybe one day,
you and me will have
one more shot.

when you get lonely if no one's around

you know that i'll catch you

when you're falling down.

never want to fly

never want to leave

never want to say what you mean to me

never want to run

frightened to believe

you're the best thing about me.

why do i love you

don't even want to

why do i love you like i do?

and i don't know why,

i can't keep my eyes off of you.

when i'm sitting all alone in my room

everything reminds me of you.

i don't believe that anybody

feels the way i do about you now

there are many things that

i would like to say to you

but i don't know how.

lately i've been down upon my knees
not looking for a miracle
just a reason to believe.

so come on baby let me be the girl

that you can count on to rock your world.

when everything falls down
will you hold my hand?

just some random thoughts.

damn, i need to study.

why must you exist in my life?!

remember me this way//*

Saturday, July 22, 2006

10:52 PM

meet-the-parents was alright.

dr s told dad that i sleep in class!

hellooo!

that only happened ONCE!

sheesh.

anyways,

went to meet the guys

and we went towning.

watched "boo!"

had fun.

i'm going to miss the guys

for the next few months.

sigh.

went to sentosa after that

to meet my family for dinner.

and you know when you sit the bus

into sentosa you've got to pay

three bucks for the admission fee?

I GOT IN FREE!

after sneaking up behind the guard.

HAHAHA!

so damn proud of myself.

now i'm three bucks richer.

((:

from tomorrow, i shall MUG.

mug and mug and mug.

'cos i want to go to lausanne.

come on people.

we can do it.

it's the last sprint.

let's give this our best shot.

scholarship and switzerland,

here i come.

HAHAHA!

.if only you knew.

remember me this way//*

Friday, July 21, 2006

8:47 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

to my bestest-bestest-bestest-

until-cannot-best-already buddy!

((:

thank you for everything

that you are to me.

you are love!

.nothing tastes as sweet

as what i can't have.

remember me this way//*

Monday, July 17, 2006

10:16 PM

tan jiali vanessa is love.

thanks brother.

((:

but if you give me just one more try

we can pack up our old dreams

and our old lives

we'll find a place

where the sun still shines.

remember me this way//*

Sunday, July 16, 2006

11:32 PM

108 days to the

first paper of the a's.

that's only 15 weeks.

and that's the a's.

not even prelims.

don't even dare to

think about it.

i'm scared.

suddenly.

but i haven't done anything.

bummed my whole

weekend away.

gossiping in town with saf.

beaching at sentosa

with my family.

i think this better be the

last weekend i'm slacking.

i better start mugging.

i better...

sighhh.

i know that won't last.

but i really really really

want to go to lausanne.

they sent me the brochure

and foo-yo! i'm motivated!

yays!

from tomorrow,

i'm going to mug.

and mug.

you're going to motivate me,

and stop demoralising me.

i'm going to lausanne.

i'm going to find my rainbow.

focus on the goal neh.

suddenly i'm scared.

scared i won't be able to make it.

to lausanne.

scared, 'cos all the things they say,

that i can't do it and all,

could probably be true.

i'm scared.

and there's a void inside me.

and it sucks.

urgh.

i don't know what to feel.

it hurts.

kind of.

it's like a gnawing pain.

and i feel empty.

too many things going through my mind.

i want the a's to be over.

i have soooo many things in mind.

and it's obstructing my goal.

i'm need to make it.

i NEED to do it.

and i can do it.

someone please convince me.

sigh.

remember me this way//*

Saturday, July 15, 2006

12:47 AM

baybeats was okay.

despite it being really hot.

tiramisu got rated 6/5.

entertainment level.

HAHAHA!

you should've seen it.

i don't know why,

but the people around us

weren't laughing like we were.

i swear it was retardedly funny.

maybe it's supposed to be emo.

oh wells.

it was retardedly funny,

and i'm sticking by that.

hohoho!

had fun hanging out with the girls.

talked at the bridge.

esplanade's a lovely view.

kind of brought back

some memories.

oh wells.

all's over and done with.

but my girls are love.

some things are not worth it.

and it doesn't take

a rocket scientist to seive them out.

come on.

you know how much this hurts you.

you know how much this has hurt you.

i don't know what you hold on to,

but some things aren't worth it.

i'm not judging,

it's just a thought.

.butterflies in a bottled mind.

remember me this way//*

Thursday, July 13, 2006

5:45 PM

double f's.

waiting for my third

to get a straight flush.

i'm on a roll.

boo the mids! damn.

i'm looking at your picture

'cos it's all i've got

maybe one day

you and me will have

one more shot.

remember me this way//*

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

8:58 PM

thank you to

zhiyu, carol, royce,

mic, saf, mus, adrian,

bolzie and lisa

for everything.

you all are love.

((:

remember me this way//*

Sunday, July 09, 2006

12:45 AM

all the horrible thoughts

just want to make me

go to lausanne now.

to get away from all this.

all these freak shows

that's making me break.

i want to get away

to a new place

and forget the tears

and forget your face.

god don't do this to me.

i want to show the world

that i can make it to lausanne

and i'm going to live my dreams.

and then i'm going to

find out who my true friends are.

four and a half years.

i know you'll forget.

i guess it doesn't matter anyway.

i could make you smile

if you stayed a while.

remember me this way//*

Saturday, July 08, 2006

12:18 PM

i'm driven to achieve my dream;

ecole hoteliere de lausanne.

I CAN DO IT!
god's with me!
((:

only as high as i reach can i grow
only as far as i seek can i go
only as deep as i look can i see
only as much as i dream can i be.

remember me this way//*

Friday, July 07, 2006

2:12 PM

9 weeks to prelims.

16 weeks to the a's.

i'm screwed.

i need a miracle

if i'm going to do well

for the bloody a's.

damn it.

all i need is a good disguise

one where nobody can recognise

that i'm feeling so small.

remember me this way//*

Thursday, July 06, 2006

4:21 PM

let it go, let it be

don't waste all your emotion

on this tit-for-tat machine

let it go, let it be

let it go.

i'm still sick.

and i can't breathe properly.

urgh.

and didn't go to school today.

today is a horrible day.

terrible.

anyways, it's going to be over

and my sis is coming over soon!

chloe my love.

((:

heard from mic that ms lai

and ms loh and ms ng

gave a106 a rude awakening.

damn it.

suddenly the triple f fantasy

is becoming a reality...

darned.

like royce said,

bye bye scholarshippp.

but no no no.

we are ultimately studying for the a's.

that's just self consolation!

NEH! BUCK UP LAH!

dieee.

people who think that

they can motivate me,

please date me out to study.

'cos i seriously need to start

getting my life on track man.

bloody hell.

if i screw up my a's...

THAT'S IT LAH!

can become like my brother.

no more future!

HAHAHA!

...okayyy. so it's not that funny.

aaaaarrrgghhhh!

whatever.

screw studying lah.

boo!

hearts are made to be broken

they get stronger by the day.

remember me this way//*

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

9:53 PM

the mids are OVER!

and i'm drained...

today was math...

with f maths students, again.

[please refer to one of the

demoralised entries

about being in the same class

with f maths students].

hahahahaha!

bloody hell.

and i screwed up lit.

what's new.

i'm sick.

yes, SICK.

AFTER my bloody freaking mids.

so i can't exactly enjoy...

brilliant.

life's just so wonderful.

riiiiiighttt.

i've still got to go to school tomorrow

for the netball pe thing.

aiyah.

see lah.

join all this kind of thing.

smart ah neh!

tsk tsk.

but i miss netball.

urgh.

i'm sick!

*sniff*

bloody hell!

remember me this way//*

Monday, July 03, 2006

1:53 PM

好想知道你的100分

会给怎样的人

亲爱的你

不要再陌生

增加我戏份

我想问亲爱的你

把感情升等

朋友变成情人

可不可以告诉我标准

不要让我一直等.

i'm going to drive to THAILAND!

whoots!

to the friendships that count,

thanks.

you are love. ((:

remember me this way//*

Saturday, July 01, 2006

1:48 PM

i am utterly disappointed.

those funny looking characters

were supposed to be hearts!

boo blogging! )):

remember me this way//*

theGIRL.
vanessa
hotelier
twenty-one
11 april
aries
ecole hôtelière de lausanne

currently in: singapore

sheLOVES.
god
mjc.05a106
family
netball
friends
sports
kemsters
goodstuffs
shss.netballers
shss.4a'04
orange
purple
lime green
mini coopers
fireworks
sunsets
the beach
mahjong
london cabs
passion
life

thePAST.
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008

herDREAMS.
#1 ~~ecole hôtelière de lausanne.~~
#2 custody.
#3 ~~play division one netball.~~
#4 hotel manager.
#5 a healed knee.
#6 ~~sweet friends.~~
#7 ~~good grades.~~
#8 happy family.
#9 ~~driving license.~~
#10 speak fluent french.
#11 ~~mini~~ cooper.
#12 ~~nice watch.~~
#13 ~~functioning computer.~~
#14 drive to thailand.
#15 decorate my room.
#16 travel the world.
#17 ~~sweet memories.~~
#18 ~~true love.~~

abstruse

abdication

abstract