Wednesday, November 30, 2005
3:01 PM
sometimes, i just sit and wonder. is this the life i am supposed to be living? is this where i am meant to be right now? are these people whom i walk with in life going to be there for me, forever? so many questions haunt me... and i don't know how to answer a single one. so i have this family. my dad, my sister and my brother. are we happy? i choose to believe so. i know otherwise. we are stuck in our own lives. trapped by our daily activities. my family. i've always wished for better. i don't mind giving up the cash. the life. i just want what every other kid has. a family they can turn to. a family who's there through the thick and the thin. a family who's willing to brave all storms, together. i won't say my family wouldn't, we are together now. but this bond, there is no bond between us. we just have a few interests that match. the rest, well, they clash. and that starts the tension in our family. i guess i never saw my father as a friend. he was always that BIG figure i looked up to. i still do. my brother and i fear him alot. but i think a family needs more than just fear. in fact, a family does not need fear. a family, needs love, compassion, warmth. honestly, i don't feel any of the above. i love my family. i really do. i'd lay down my life for them. that, i swear. but i'm not getting anything out of this. the people i turn to, have never been my family. and that sucks. i want my family to be there for me, to listen to me, to love me, to teach me, to grow with me. is that too much to ask of a wish this christmas?
remember me this way//*
